Song to the Siren
by EndlesslyDreaming1
Summary: AU -here I am,here I am,waiting for you. Dean and Castiel are college students with a great life ahead of them,but when tradegy strikes,one of them loses themselves in a battle for their own mind.
1. Chapter 1

Song to the siren : Chapter one

warnings: drug use,slash,mentions of suicide(in later chapters).

_"Here I am. Here I am,  
>waiting to hold you."<em>

His body felt numb now,it didn't matter,to him nothing else mattered,because he was gone, he had given up.

"Stay with me,you promised me you wouldn't leave."

His vision was blurred now feeling the icy feel of water hit his cheeks,moaning echoing his ears.

"SHIT...DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE ME YOU SON OF A BITCH,COWARD...WAKE UP...CASTIEL WAKE UP."

Dean Winchester pulled his teenage lover into the bathtub turning on the shower letting the water drench the two of them,he slapped his cheek gently trying to force him to wake up,he wouldn't let him take the easy way out.

Him and Castiel were childhood sweethearts,they were in college,in their second year and hopelessly devoted to each other.

"Cas?"

Getting no response,he panicked.

Turning the water off he reached for his mobile in his jacket pocket which was hanging over the toilet bowl holding Castiel in his arms calling 911 "I need help my boyfriend,he's...he's overdosed,please he won't wake up" his whole body was shaking feeling sick,Cas meant everything to him,he wouldn't know what to do with himself if he was no longer around.

Giving them the address,he hung up hugging Cas,rocking him in his arms.

"Please,don't leave me"he whispered into his ear,sobbing quietly thinking the worst.

The Ambulance had arrived pretty promptly, the paramedics escorting the teen to the vehicle as fast as they could getting all the information needed from the other teen quick enough to help.

"Please don't let him die...please."he pleaded with them.

"He won't...look we're on our way to the hospital now,if you're coming you better hurry up."

Climbing into the back of the ambulance he took Castiels hand grasping it tightly in his own.

"you stupid boy,why did you have to do it?"he muttered quietly to him.

Dean knew Cas was troubled,he had been through alot of shit,alot of which he knew nothing about,but he didn't realise just how bad things really were.

"You're going to be okay,okay,you can't leave me,you promised me."

The paramedics pushed him away when they arrived at E.R.

"Male,19 years old overdosed on heroin-"

Dean pulled himself out of the ambulance his mind wandering off as the doctors appeared to assist,he stood there frozen on the spot looking up at the illumated flourescent lighting reading Emergency,feeling like he could lose him.

Hurrying after him,he was told to wait in the waiting area,that was the worst not being able to be close to him,not knowing his fate,it sent a sickening feeling in his gut. He ran his fingers through his hair slipping down the wall letting tears flow freely down his face.

An hour later a doctor came through "You came with Mr Novak am I correct?"

Dean pulled himself up having downed his 5th coffee now and nodded "Is he okay?"he asked worried,his voice broken.

The doctor let out a relucant sigh "he's stable,he's in recovery now so you can go see him."he kept it short and sweet.

Dean made no hesistations to go and see his boyfriend only so he could kick his ass for scaring him like that.

"May I advise your friend to get some help,theres plenty of rehabilitation centres out there willing to help...something to think about" with that he walked off to find his next patient.

Dean frowned watching as the doctor left,he shook it off,there was no way in hell that he was going to let Castiel out of his sight again,especially after this.

Approaching his room,he nervously walked through the open door and gulped finding his friend, his companion, his lover resting.

"Cas?"

Castiel turned his head slowly pulling a weak smile hearing Deans familar roughened up voice "hey beautiful."

Dean slipped his hands into his jean pockets,his clammy hands seeping through the denim "Don't you dare do that to me again,I can't lose you."

Castiel smiled,closing his eyes "shush...it's okay...everything is going to be okay" he mused,in a dream like state.

Dean stared back at him frozen on the spot uncontrollable tears rolling down his face,maybe now wasn't the best time to lecture him,once he's drug free then the lecture begins.

" I just wanted to check up on you,Just..get some rest,i'll come back tomorrow morning okay once you're feeling better."

Castiel turned over onto his side ,letting out a soft moan, "hmm feel better soon-"his eyes remained closed, he pulled the sheet over him hugging the corner of it letting out a soft giggle then breathed deeply "I love you."

Dean turned his back to him about to head out the door,letting out a sad sigh "I love you too."he wiped a tear away leaving the room.

Dean sat in his dorm room which he shared with Castiel he sat on the bed with his laptop open trying his best to finish off an essay that was due in a few days,becoming easily distracted,puzzled by Castiel and his actions why he would feel the need to overdose on that stuff in the first place,he was under the impression they were happy,he was top of the class with a bright future ahead of him,so why throw it all away?

Trying to shake it off he continued to type away,again stopping. He pulled himelf up moviing over towards his room mates side of the room hunting for any clues,easily finding his stash, he shook his head closing the drawer. His eyes widened disapproving of the analgesic at first,but soon became curious. Knowing what it did to Cas it still didnt stop him from wanting to feel that rush.

_What the fuck are you doing,don't even think about it_,his subconcious screaming at the back of him mind.

Carrying on with his essay he put it at the back of his mind trying his upmost hardest not to think about the lethal drug that stood only a few feet away,he contemplated binning it,but that would only cause him more grief,when Cas got better he would want that,and he would need to evidence to confront him.

Hours had passed and he had barely written a sentence on his essay,slamming the lid shut he put his laptop aside,trying to get some sleep.

Castiel was released from the hospital the very next day,being greeted by his beloved Dean, he threw his arms around him,passionately kissing him.

"Can we go now?" he asked innocently,with a hint of cheekiness.

Dean nodded "only if you promise me you'll never pull anything like this again."

"Scouts honour"he smirked.

Dean smiled weakly putting his arms round his waist walking him out of the hopsital "good luck trying to explain this to the dean,you've missed several lectuers already."

"Hey I'm pretty good at weaseling my way out of stuff,will be a walk in the park,don't you worry about me Dean-o."

Dean rolled his eyes,clearly he wasn't taking this seriously,it could mean the end of everything,expulsion,kicked off the course for good,whatever the outcome he feared it wouldn't end well.

"I'm being serious Cas,you could get into deep trouble for this,and don't think i'm letting you off the hook for this,we're having a talk about this tonight weather you like it or not."

Castiel rolled his eyes at him "quit being a buzzkill will you,it was just a bit of fun,got a bit out of hand."

"Out of hand,Cas you freaking OD'ed, you could've died, I've never been so afraid in all my life."

They stepped out of the hospital heading towards the taxi rank.

Castiel smiled sadly rubbing his tired eyes "I'm sorry,I promise you Dean,I won't do it again."

The couple took a seat by the taxi rank waiting on one pulling up.

"Damn right you won't" Dean grinned looking up into Castiels piercing blue eyes, placing a hand on his lap rubbing his hand against it almost reaching towards his crotch.

Castiel smiled mimicing Deans expressions feeling incredibly lucky to have a man like Dean in his life,things had been pretty rough for him these last couple of years,and escaping to college,to have a fresh start he couldn't believe it was real,there was not a chance in hell that he was going to throw this away.

But then nothing was ever that simple,this was just beginning,and the path of self destruction had only just begun to take its hold on Castiel.

**hmm okay so thoughts? Please review and let me know if I should continue,I have a stroyline in my head but i'm unsure if it's worth carrying this on :) thanks**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**warnings for: drug use,sex. Things are you going to get a whole lot darker,just a pre warning,Feedback is love :)**

The chime of the bell filled up the psychology hall,causing Castiel to awaken from his slumber,it had been 2 weeks since he was released from the hospital,already he was feeling the pressure of normality. He slammed his notebook shut.

"Mr Novak could you stay behind please" requested his lectuerer.

Castiel sighed heavily stepping down the stairs to the front of the classroom watching as he wiped the blackboard clean.

"Whats wrong sir?"

Professor Singer turned himself away from the blackboard wiping the dirt from his specs with a handkerchief,clearing his throat "Is everything okay Castiel?"

Castiel pulled a puzzled look raising his eyebrows "I don't know what you mean sir."

"I've not seen you around my classroom for a while, and today you were more interested in what was going on outside than my lesson,I'd hate to see you failing this class,because you're doing so well."

Castiel rubbed his lips together "Everythings fine sir,I guess I just got alot on,i'll do better."he forced a smile.

"Alright,but you know my doors always open if you need it"

"Thank you sir,i'll keep that in mind."

"good now get out of my classroom,ya idjit."

Castiel pulled his bag over his shoulder and smiled giving him a nod heading out of the hall and smiled up at Dean who always greeted him after his lessons.

"Dude what the hell were you doing in there,thought you might of skipped it again."

Castiel took Deans' hand "Professor wanted to talk with me, you wanna go grab a coffee before our next class?"

"Sure,gives us a chance to have that talk."

Castiel rolled his eyes "Dean-" he groaned.

Dean gave him his bitchface "Don't Dean me Castiel,we need to talk weather you like it or not."

Castiel pulled himself away from him"I wish everyone would just get off my case,seriously nothing is wrong with me,it was one time,whats the big effin deal anyways?"

"The big deal Cas is you almost died" he stopped in the middle of the corridor about to break down in 'manly' tears,but no he wasn't going to go there not yet "I found you Cas,passed out surrounded by needles,I thought I'd lost you forever..I just...I can't do it again,I can't do this alone,I need you in my life."

"Are we done with this chickflick moment,Dean...i'm fine,okay?"he smiled taking his hand again walking with him down the corridor again, amused.

"Dean-o gonna cry?"he smirked.

Dean shoved him not impressed "Shut up."

Dean slammed up against the door to their room running his hands up Castiels perfectly toned back,his hands exploring up his shirt "Cas-"he moaned against his mouth,their tongues colliding in a perfectly symmetrical kiss.

Castiel grabbed the locks of his hair roughly letting his tongue explore his mouth,biting down slightly on his lovers lower lip "you sexy bastard...make me yours, I want you all, I want you inside me." he panted heavily forcing the door open quickly before slamming it shut when they were inside.

Dean smirked pulling his jeans down,getting down to business "I want you...more than anything."

Castiel laughed at how eager he was throwing himself at him "Well then,you better get yourself mentally prepared cause you're in the for the ride of your life."

Dean felt an errection erupting inside the cotton of his boxers "oh you tease."

Castiel smirked shoving him down to the bed he put a finger to his lips "silence"he commanded.

Dean tossed his head on the pillow delighted that tonight Castiel was in control "sir yes sir"he winked.

"Dean don't make me gag you."

Glancing up at the perfection of a man on top of him,he moaned knowing what Castiel loved so turned himself over crouching on his knees,reaching in the drawer for the lube and a condom.

He had already prepared himself wetting the entrance enough for him to slip inside Dean with ease.

Dean cried out,bucking his hips "oh god..Cas...yes."

Cas dug his fingernails along his hips,pounding hard and rough inside the Winchester, striking his prostate with each thrust.

Dean gasped trying so badly to keep it all in,it hurt,his cock completely erect now,he could barely hold on.

Leaning into him he wrapped his arms around him,slipping out of him now,but he wasn't finished yet,running a hand round towards Deans leaking cock,he carefully and gently rubbed his hands along the tip "Dean would you...would swim with me...would you trust me to let you join me?"

Dean opened his mouth no sound escaping his lips as Castiel pleasured him "Faster...Cas please."he begged,closing his eyes.

"Swim to me"

Dean breathed heavy "Swim? Cas what are you talking about?"

Castiel carried on the movements giving Dean what he wanted "you trust me don't you?"

"With my life."

Castiel smiled innocently pulling himself away from him.

Dean immediately pulled himself up as Castiel left mid arousal "Cas? What are you doing?"

"one more fix...please Dean,It makes it all better,one more and i'll stop."he pulled out his stash from the drawer,looking down sadly.

"Cas...no..stop it."

Castiel shook his head,smiling "Please Dean,it'll make all of this so much better,you give me so much but...I need this."

Dean crawled over to him,cupping his hands over his cheeks "we're in this together,if this is your chosen path then you're not doing it alone." He must be mad, he didn't know what possessed Cas to pull out of what was turning into amazing sex for this but if he was going to do it,he would go down with him.

"Really? You would do that?"

"You mean the world to me Castiel,you're my best friend,my soulmate, we'll sail together."

Since they were children they had spent every day in each others company,destined to be together it would seem.

"okay...not too much though."

Castiel prepared the substance,handing him a needle, and some elastic "make sure its injected into the vein,and it'll make you feel...well I'll let you see for yourself.

Dean felt his lips quiver,was he actually doing this,if they got caught,they would be in so much shit, he nodded at Castiels instructions. Injecting the substance into his bloodstream.

His pupils immedaitely dialated,already feeling the effects of the drug.

Squinting his eyes he reached out to Castiel "I'm...i'm swimming."he smiled.

Castiel grinned already pushing the syringe into his arm "feels good doesn't it?"he pulled Dean up so they were standing on top of the bed,their naked bodies pressed up against each other,they kissed,everything was perfect,both men in perfect harmony with each other.

"Do you hear that...that sound,isn't that the most beautiful sound you've ever heard?"

Dean closed his eyes letting out a soft moan "shes singing to us"he smiled running his fingertips along Castiels jawline.

"She's calling out to us."he smiled watching Dean as he tried to control what was happening to him,he had secretly used a few times so the effects weren't as bad, he wrapped himself around his lover.

Dean toook a deep breath trying to open his eyes "Cas."he smiled holding his arms out "jump with me."

Castiel smiled weakly stroking his face "your mad,you'll kill yourself."he turned his back thinking like he was somewhere different.

"come on be daring...jump."Dean smiled closing his eyes letting himself fall,feeling like he was moving in slow motion.

He suddenly jolted up,feeling like he had had one completely vivid dream,reality suddenly hit him,dazed and confused he turned round to find Castiel fast asleep beside him. The room now completely dark.

_What the fuck just happened?_ he thought to himself. Rubbing his sunken eyes,he pulled himself out of bed,in need of shower.

Turning on the shower he stared into space climbing inside it pulling the shower curtain round,terrified,what was Castiel into? Whatever it was it scared him.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Dean wrapped a towel around his naked body covering his lower half,panting heavy as he tried to figure out what exactly happened last night,he looked at the watch on his wrist,it read 4.35am.

Returning to the room,Castiel was still asleep. Watching over him,he frowned shaking his head with dissapproval,knowing how the drug made you feel, it troubled him not knowing exactly why Cas would do this to himself.

"I wish you would just talk to me."

Cas had always been troubled,he had been bullied as a child for being different,and his family were a bunch of nutcases,or so he was told,he didn't really like talking about his family,he never really understood why. I guess he was no different,his family where never around,his parents had split when he was about 5 so his dad was left to look after both him and his little brother Sam,it wasn't an easy ride he was alone,moving from town to town but he got through it,it wasn't until they had settled in Boston that everything changed,thats where he met Castiel and his life would change forever.

Morning had broken,the sun seeping through the cracks in the curtains. Dean sat watching lame tv,well he wasn't exactly watching it,it was more like background but it gave him some sort of excuse to be pretend to be doing something.

Castiel groaned turning over onto his back as he stirred "hmm morning sunshine,sleep well?"he grinned.

"No"he answered bluntly.

"N'aww was it all a little too much for ya?"he teased putting his head to the side "come on you loved how it made you feel."

Dean rubbed his lips together "I am never doing that again Cas,it tripped me out,i've spent most of the morning throwing up,seriously never again. It was a one time thing anyway right?"

Castiel stared at him giving him his best fake smile,it wasn't that easy atleast not for him,but he wasn't going to tell Dean that "right"

Dean smiled weakly "good"he let out a small sigh checking the time again "I best get myself ready,i've got a lesson in an hour,and I need to stop off at the library beforehand wanna tag along?"

"I'd rather not hang out with geekboy thank you very much"he smirked "but i'll catch up with you later yeah,maybe grab some lunch?"he suggested.

"Sounds great."he quickly slipped on his favourite Led Zepplin t shirt,then a pair of jeans.

"Nice ass."

Dean rolled his eyes "not that I don't appreciate you perving,behave yourself"he grinned leaning in to give him a kiss "i'll see you later okay?"

Castiel frowned sitting up,staring into space for a moment "Dean?"

"HMM?"

Dean turned to face him.

Castiel laughed weakly "I forgot to say...I love you."

Dean frowned raising an eyebrow,getting the impression that's not what he wanted to say but let it slide "I love you too,i'll see ya."

Castiel smiled weakly rubbing his sunken eyes,sniffing needing another fix already. He lay back letting out a relaxed sigh pulling out his mobile calling someone.

"It's me...I know I shouldn't be calling none of you really care but...I just need to know."

_"Cas...you can't call here anymore,please,stop calling,and texting,please."_

"I need to speak to you all,especially her...please,you have to give me something,i'm family."

_"I can't Cas,please stop this,she doesn't want to see you."_

"I'm her flesh and blood...I don't care...I have to see her,I have to say goodbye."

_"Goodbye? What the fuck are you talking about now huh? We've had enough of you and your mind games It's over Castiel,respect her wish,she doesn't want to see you,you're dead to us Castiel,leave us alone."_

Castiel heard the line go dead on the other end,he let the phone fall from his hand ,turning over onto his side he curled up feeling his whole body going numb.

"I soon will be"he mumbled to himself.

Dean high fived one of his mates and grinned "see you tomorrow yeah?"he grinned.

"OOOH Dean before you go,you and Cas coming to the halloween party tonight?"

Dean grinned giving him a nod"sure thing Ash,we'll see ya there at 8."

"Sweet-"he high fived his buddy "dude its going to be so awesome,what are you going to dress up as?"he beamed patting his back.

Dean raised an eyebrow finding his overly enhusiasm a tad uncomfortable "Santa Claus?"he laughed "I don't know dude but I promise you it will be awesome."

Ash smiled brightly at him motioning him a thumbs up "well cool bro,I guess I'll see you tonight."

"Cool,yeah see you later"

He let out a small sigh heading out of campus towards his dorm room a small smile on his face,he was actually looking forward to tonights party,he needed to blow off steam and spending the night surrounded by Cas and his friends seemed like a perfect idea.

He typed in the security number in the keypad giving him access to his hall and smiled sweetly at a couple "night guys" he told them,he headed up the stairs quickly,hoping Cas was in the room,so he could 'fuck his brains out'. It had been a very long day he wanted nothing more than to be in the arms of his man.

"Dean thank god you're back,i've been trying to ring you all day,where the hell you been huh?"

Dean raised an eyebrow "uh..well this college,you come here to learn,thats where i've been,sorry If i'm actually taking my future seriously."he grinned "Chill out Chuck,it's all good i'm here now."

Chuck folded his arms,not impressed by his sarcasm "Dean, i'm being serious,something's wrong with Cas,he's not left his room since you left this morning and I-I heard something,it was like an explosion or something went off in there,dude i'm really worried about him."

Dean frowned,amusement turning into worry "What?"

Without question he charged up to the room going to open the door,it was locked "Cas...Cas it's Dean open up...dammit Cas open the damn door."he wasn't getting a response which frustrated him even more.

"Stand back"he instructed Chuck using all his strength to kick down the door.

Chuck gulped stepping back towards his room "erm i'll just leave you two alone."he hated confrontation,he quickly disspeared into his own room leaving Dean to deal with Cas.

Dean licked his lips stepping inside,the whole room surrounded by darkness,he reached his hand over towards the light switch and turned on the light,horrified by the sight he saw.

"Son of a bitch" he looked around the room the walls covered in words,none of which made any sense to him,the floor blankted with torn up pieces of paper.

Feeling the bitter sting of tears filling up in his eyes he found the love of his life in the middle of of the bed sat up and facing away from him.

"C-Cas?"

Castiel stared into space,lost in his own little paradise "she's singing again,its beautiful,it's almost tragic,it's like she needs me,she wants me to join her."

Dean bit his lower lip nervously looking around the room,the words 'wasted','worthless' and 'I've got nothing left to lose' catching his attention on the four surrounding walls,Cas was more messed up than he realised.

"Cas talk to me,please i'm begging you here what's going on?"

Castiel held his arms out to him reaching out to him a forced smile on his face "you're so beautiful" he slowly pulled himself up tugging at his shirt pulling him down so he was beside him,he leaned into him inhaling his musky scent,he said nothing more,instead he slowly wrapped his arms around Dean.

Dean felt his heart breaking,the state that Cas was in terrified him,holding his boyfriend in a comforting embrace,he slightly pulled away when he noticed Castiel trembling.

"Shit Cas your shaking-"

He didn't know what to do,how to help him,he was just a kid after all,he didn't know how to handle this "Cas..please-"he broke down,tears just flowing this all becoming too much now "please just tell,oh god please,you're scaring me."

"Hold me...just hold me."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Dean had held Castiel all night,not leaving him,letting him get it all out of his system,screw the party.

Looking towards him he noticed he was still awake.

"You wanna talk about happened last night?"

Castiel gripped Deans' hands tightly shaking his head his whole body shaking,he gripped Deans shirt tightly tears falling onto the fabric "Dean...I'm sorry."

Dean pulled himself away "Cas...stop...tell me whats going on."

Cas rubbed his teary eyes pulling himself away from Dean "I'm dropping out,end of the semester,i'm going to go back home."

"Like hell you are"

"I don't want to be here anymore,this place,it's just not for me."

Dean gritted his teeth "Your lying...Cas you've got a bright future ahead of you okay...whatever this is I can help you now what is it you're not telling me?"

Castiel turned himself away from him looking down "I have to,I can't be around you anymore."

"NO...DAMMIT,talk to me for the love of god."

Castiel stood there silently his back still turned away from him"you have to leave."

It felt as though someone had ripped his heart out of his chest,stood on it and then put it back in again.

It hurt.

"Cas...are you breaking up with me?"

Castiel put his head down,everything about his body language indictating that he didn't really want him to go.

"It's for the best"

Dean stared up at the man he loved every instinct telling him that something was wrong,what was so bad that felt compelled to keep it a secret?

Tears formed behind the teens eyes.

"It can't be over,Cas please it can't just end like this."

Castiel turned his back to him putting his head down "trust me Dean...you don't want to be around me anymore,please...don't make this harder for me."

Dean rang his hands through his hair stressfully not giving up that easily. He reached for hand pulling him round so he was facing him.

"Don't leave me,please." he whispered in his ear.

"Dean-"

Dean breathed heavily into his ear staring into his eyes, maybe if he blackmailed it out of him he would share whatever it was that he was hiding from him.

He nibbled at his ear letting out a soft moan as he pulled him close to him.

Castiel resisted pulling himself away slightly "Dean,don't please" he wanted Deans cock in his mouth so badly.

Dean let out a small smile stroking his cheek gently "shh it's okay,let me make it better for you,I'm not letting you go that easily Cas."

Dean reached a hand down towards Castiels trousers unbuckling his belt a small cheeky smile on his face as he pulled down the zipper,slowly pulling down his boxers revealing a slightly erect cock.

"I haven't even done anything yet and you're already hard,I know i'm good but come on."

Castiel let out a weak smile,rolling his eyes. He rolled his eyes back suddenly as the sensation of Dean sucking him off got the better of him,it was ecstasy.

"Fuck-"he gasped for breath tugging at Deans hair.

Dean picked up the pace feeling Cas pulling him away.

"No-"

Dean wiped his mouth glancing up at Cas confused "No?"

Castiel pushed Dean away from him "NO...I can't do this."

Dean quickly pulled himself up clearly pissed off as he went to grab his coat "you know what screw this Cas,i'm done."

Castiel stood there silently wrapping his arms around himself coyly looking down at the floor.

Dean was angered by his secrecy slipping his coat on "you know what I don't get you,we had something good,I mean I thought we were happy."

Still silence.

"Are you just going to stand there and say nothing,what the fuck has happened to you,your not the little nerdy kid I fell in love with?" he shot back in anger.

He grabbed the handle of the door ready to leave.

Castiel pulled his trousers up slowly looking down to his feet "I'm dying"he mumbled quietly.

"I'll come back for my stuff another day I just can't stand to be around you right no-" he cut himself off only just hearing what Cas had said. "Wait what?" he definately wasn't expecting that.

Castiel slowly looked up at his boyfriend "I'm dying."

**I know this is short chapter but I kinda want to get right into the story now. I want to thank everyone who has reviewed so far,you guys are the best,shit is really going to start to hit the fan now, and more will be revealed etc in the next coming chapters,I hope you stick around and keep the reviews coming :) **


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Dean stood there in complete silence,shocked by this turn of events,it couldn't be true,his best friend,his soulmate,his one and only,how could he be dying he was too young to die.

Trying to remain calm he stood at the door way feeling like he was going to be sick "How? I mean...how is this happening?"

Castiel slowly sat himself down on the bed letting out a deflated sigh "I was getting these really intense headaches,I thought nothing of it until it gradually got worse."he took a deep breath "so I went to see a doctor."

Dean stood there completely numb as he listened to what Cas was telling him trying to process it.

"They offered me a brain scan,I got the results a few days ago,a-and they found something."

Dean gulped heading back over to him and sat beside him on the bed completely speechless.

"I don't really understand it but,it sounds to me like I dont have long left,I've tried telling my family but it's like they're in denial or something,they don't believe me,guess i've cried wolf that many times they kinda expect it from me."

Dean tried to stay strong for his friend struggling to hold it all together though "Cas i'm so sorry,I wish you would've just told me sooner,you know I would've been there for you."

Cas shifted away from him "I was scared...I am scared,I don't want you to see me this way."

"Like what,Cas you drop this bomb on me and now you expect me to leave,well im sorry but you're not kicking me out that easily,because i'm not giving up on you."

Cas pulled himself up now running his hands through his hair in frustration "Dean...no,you don't get it,you don't know what will happen to me."

"I've seen you at your worst Cas,your a drug addict for a start that can't be helping you,you know that right it'll kill you"

"Hey-"he said in defense "I am not an addict, I just...I just wanted it to take the edge off for a little while,I was a little stressed okay,I just found out I had cancer"he added "and my worst...come on Dean don't be so naive,you honestly think the other night is the worst i've been,whats to come-" his nostrils flared with rage "you have no idea."

Dean shook his head "so your just going to give up,Cas I know this is hard,but I believe in you,you're going to get through this,i'll be with you ever step of the way,for every appointment,every tumble and fall i'll be there to pick you back up again,you got that?"

Castiel's lips quivered trembling with fear,he loved Dean with all his heart but to have him watch him suffer and watch as he slowly fades into nothing,it terrified him more than dying alone. He simply nodded tilting his head down.

"Good,I won't lose you you got that I won't,you're going to fight this,and so help me if it kills me you are going to graduate."

"Okay Dean,I promise."

Dean forced himself to smile pulling him into a supportive hug and nodded "and another thing,stop with the drugs okay,I need you for as long as I can get you."

Castiel held Dean in a loving embrace,inhaling every scent of him tugging at his shirt"I will"he let out a small sigh of relief,feeling a huge weight being lifted off him now he had finally told him.

Dean didn't want to let him go "I'll come with you tomorrow to tell your family okay? We'll do it together."

Castiel smiled weakly pulling himself away now "Dean you don't have to,I don't need them,all I need right now is you."

Dean raised an eyebrow "Really? Cause not 5 minutes ago you were willing to kick me out,now all of a sudden you need me,make your mind up will ya?"he said jokingly.

"NO...no don't go,I didn't mean that,I don't want you to leave,please."he pleaded.

"Woaw dude calm down,i'm not leaving,I was joking."

"oh okay,don't scare me like that?"

Dean rolled his eyes a little "But seriously though Cas,you really should tell them,and properly,and we should probably tell the head maybe they'll give you special credit cause of your condition."

"I don't want special treatment cause I have a freeking timebomb in my head okay,I don't want to be treated any differently." he snapped.

Taking a deep breath Cas gritted his teeth trying to hold back the anger "I'm sorry"he breathed heavily "I need some air,will you walk with me?"

Dean nodded once holding his hand out for him to take.

A new day had risen,Dean and Cas were ready for a new day at college,despite knowing about Castiels' condition he still felt postive that they were going to have a future together,he had trashed Cas' stash so he wouldn't be tempted,he had been up all night researching,finding anything that could make it easier on them both and possibly ease their minds although alot of it scaring him,but he was mildly optimistic for a positive outcome.

Castiel groaned as he awoke from his slumber "Dean?"

Dean turned his head to face the bed "Morning" he chimed in cheerful tone.

"What are you doing?"he asked rubbing his eyes feeling his head pounding.

"Research,i've been looking into survival stories with people who have had brain tumors,many have long happy lives again."

Castiel licked his lips sitting up resting up against the headboard,he glanced at the time,he had a lecture in about an hour "Dean...I appreciate it but what can you really do,we don't even know if i'll survive this."

"It says 60% of all teens live on until their adulthood,well until their 40's I reckon." he smiled hopeful.

Castiel smiled sadly knowing Dean was freaking out inside. He breathed heavily pulling himself up wearing what he had on the day before slamming the lid of the laptop down. "Please stop okay,we don't know the full details yet,once I know then we can make decisions on where to go from here,alright?"

"I just want to know is all" he shrugged his shoulders "just cause-"

Castiel smiled weakly taking his hand "I know you're scared for me,I am too" he took a moment to let the reality of it sink in "I probably will die,sooner than you think...but I need you to be strong for me...okay, I need you too otherwise i'll just fall off the wagon again."

Dean gripped his hand tightly "I love you so much."

"I love you too...now come on we should get to class." he didn't want to talk about this right now,all he wanted was to just get on with the rest of the day without dwelling on the fact that his time was limited,it was true he didn't really care anymore,what was the point in all of this if it was all for nothing?

Dean slipped his hand away from him firmly "right..sure."he sighed,defeated grabbing a quick shower before he had his first lecture of the day.

Castiel tapped his foot on the floor vigourously,in a world of his own,it felt like he had blacked out but suddenly jolted up when one of his classmates tapped him on the shoulder.

He shot up rubbing his eyes "sorry-"he muttered quietly to the guy beside him "having a rough day."

"Don't sweat it buddy."

Castiel returned to his notes or lack there of,finding several doodles of what looked like black circles mimicing darkness,he crumbled up the piece of paper and tossed it on the floor.

He could hardly concentrate on anything.

An hour had passed and Castiel quickly scooped up his books scurring off to find somewhere to relax and get his head straight.

Dean strolled out of his lesson and smiled up at one of his friends "Seriously i'm okay,I got stuff on my mind but i'll be fine."

"You sure,cause you looked pretty distracted in class today,it's not like you,you know i'm here for you if you need someone to talk to."

Dean smiled up at her "thanks Lisa,but i'm good."he lied.

Lisa gave him a supportive smile "alright,if you insist,but it still stands,you know everyone missed you guys at the party the other night,it was a hell of a night."

Dean gave her a weak smile "yeah..erm something came up."

"Pity,hmm maybe next time,well I better dash off,got another class in 15 minutes."

Dean gave her a nod "cool well see ya later yeah?"

Lisa winked "sure thing cowboy"she hurried off leaving Dean alone with his thoughts.

Dean took a seat right outside campus letting out a small sigh,he had time to kill before his next class,removing his phone he typed his message.

_Hey,are you free for coffee I miss you already,I hate the thought of not being able to see u. DW._

Castiel heard his message alert tone,about to step into the Deans' office, he glanced slightly at the message immediately shutting it off,not replying to it right away.

Castiel closed the door behind him taking a seat at the Dean's desk.

"Alright Mr Novak, you requested to see me,so tell me whats on your mind?"

Castiel put his hands against the mahogony desk,licking his dry lower lip,where to begin.

Be prepared for some more messed up teenage angst,it's going to get significantly worse from here,some more plot twists so be prepared,thanks to all who have favourited and reviewed.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Castiel stepped out of the Deans' officer shaking the mans hand "thank you for your understanding."

"Anything we can do to help you,just let us know,i'll inform your professors immediately."

Castiel turned standing in the doorway "I appreciate it." he gave him a nod walking away letting out a small sigh,feeling emotionally drained,pouring his heart out to the Dean really took it out of him.

Finally being able to respond to Deans' text he sent a quick reply.

_I'm too tired,take a raincheck ok? Love you. C _

He pushed the reply button,slipping his phone back into his pocket and carried on down the corridor.

**2 weeks later**

Castiel gripping Deans' hand tightly,he had survived a week of normalcy at school and even though his grades were average he was still coping.

"Dean I think I'm going to throw up."

Dean stroked his hand and smiled up at him "look whatever happens,we'll get through it,i'm here for you."

Castiel laughed nervously gripping his hand tightly not really wanting to know the full details of his results,fearing the worst.

"Sorry to keep you two waiting"came the doctor as he strolled into the room holding Castiels file. He cleared his throat.

Dean gulped looking to his boyfriend feeling Castiel trembling "no problem." he responded.

The doctor opened up the file,exhaling deeply "I'm afraid I have some bad news."

Castiel held his breath the grip on Deans hand becoming tighter,every fibre of his body shaking.

"I'll put it to you kids simply,the cancer is spreading, and rapidly."he pulled out the brain scan image trying to explain to the couple,the consequences.

"Tell me Cas,how are feeling at this current moment?"

Castiel stared down at the floor"right now? Erm well I have a headache,its bright,the light it kinda hurts my eyes,and erm I kinda feel sick."

Dean glanced over at his boyfriend sadly giving him a supportive smile "what can be done doc,I mean is there anything that can slow it down at least?"

The doctor gave Dean a nod "there's surgery,its risky but we could attempy remove the tumor,plus there chemo and radiotherapy,but of ofcourse this is your decision Cas?"

"Would it help? What are the chances I survive?"

The doctor closed the file up putting it on the table beside him "I'm going to be honest with you,the chances aren't good."

Castiel choked back looking up at the doctor now "how long?"

The doctor slipped his hands his white coat pockets shaking his head "at best I'd say 6 months,a year,maybe longer."he shrugged.

"6 months?" Dean blurted out,horrified. "No..no thats not possible."

The doctor gave them both a sympathetic smile "well judging by these tests,it's likely it will get worse,your motor functions will start to shut down,possible blindness,memory loss,your brain will shut down."

"DO IT...get it out of me."Cas muttered,his voice breaking with every syllable. "get it out of me...please."

This was all too much for Dean to take,he couldn't bear the thought of watching Cas fall apart,he turned to face him scared pulling him into a hug.

The doctor gave them a nod "I am very sorry,you'll be hearing from us in the next few weeks regarding your op,i'd advise you to take it easy."

Hearing this news sent jolts of pain through the couples hearts,Deans was breaking for the fact Castiel was probably going to suffer. Cas on the other hand was breaking knowing he was going to die and there was probably nothing he could do about it.

Cas pulled himself away from Dean slamming his fist against the glass walls "this isn't fair,I don't deserve this...why am I being punished huh?"

"Cas...maybe you need to calm down."

Castiel pushed himself away from the barrier,he gritted his teeth glancing up at Dean,he exchanged looks finding the words to say now,finding himself speechless,walking away he left Dean alone.

Dean hurried after him "Cas hold on...please...lets talk about this."he pushed through the double doors,outside the hospital now.

"whats there to talk about,I was right."

Dean continued to walk after him "Cas stop please...slow down,you need to calm down."

"HOW CAN I CALM DOWN...YOU HEARD THE DOCTOR DEAN...ITS OVER."

"No it's not,we can't lose faith."

Castiel stopped in his tracks stumbling over falling up against a tree, he rested against it for a moment sobbing quietly to himself.

Dean stood back,keeping his distance letting Cas just get it off his chest. Giving him his moment he slowly walked over to him putting a hand on his shoulder.

Castiel pulled himself away needing a moment to himself "Leave me alone..I just..I need to be alone."

"Cas..please."

Castiel shot a glare at Dean "LEAVE ME ALONE."he snapped.

Dean didn't want to leave it like this "Cas?"he called out to him "CAS-" he ran his hands through his hair a shot of panic rushing through him as Cas dissapeared in a flash.

"Shit-"he thought to himself,this isn't good.

**Yeah okay so i'm officially a horrible person. This chapter was officially the death of me and I haven't even gotten to the itty gritty majorly angsty stuff yet. Short chapter again,but there will be more backstory,i'm sorry I know this is dragging on but it'll get bettter I promise (okay maybe not) :) anyways thanks to those reviewing,nice to know your still sticking around. Will try update soon.**


	7. Chapter 7

**WOOW so I am back,finally,sorry for the delay,its been pretty hectic over here. I hope you guys still stick around,again I want to thank everyone who has fsvourited and reviewed,it means alot,now without futherado,new chapter for you :)**

Chapter 7

"Shit...SHIT SHIT,SHIT" Dean muttered to himself as he searched high and low on campus,he'd figured that is where Cas would return to,but he was wrong.

Cas was nowhere to be seen. He tried his cell again for like the trillionth time.

"Come on dammit,pick up"he wanted to kick himself for not going after him at the hospital.

The line went dead.

"FUCK"

He tried again,not giving up hope.

"Cas this is the millionth voice message i've left you...please..please"he emphasized "talk to me,I just need to know if you're okay man,please call me back."he hung up frustrated.

Returning to his dorm room,he turned on the light the writing on the walls catching his attention once more,examining every detail,every word calling out to him,it definately made him understand now exactly what was going on inside Castiels' mind.

He sighed slumping himself down on the bed spreading out,staring up at the ceiling in deep thought, he had a moment to himself letting all his feelings wash over him before it hit him.

He quite pulled himself up heading right back out the door in dash

"Can't talk Ash i'm in a hurry" he yelled passed his hippy friend.

Ash raised an eyebrow as Dean shot past him like a superman on crack"erm okay dude,catch ya later."

Dean pushed past everyone muttering sorries and excuse mes to passerbys giving them all sympathetic smiles.

Grabbing a taxi from campus(he couldn't be bothered with his car),he headed off to his destination.

Castiel lay propped up against a tombstone fiddling with a piece of fabric hanging from his coat,enjoying the piece and quiet of the graveyard,it gave him time to think.

"I know now...why this is happening to me,why pretty soon i'll be gone,your the one,the only one father who understands what i'm going through."he breathed in "I'm chosen,for something better right?" he gulped gripping the fabric tightly "I'm chosen by god for great-,a higher purpose...I know now to embrace it,to let her take me"he removed a needle from his coat pocket,pulling up his sleeve"so why wait,why should I suffer when It can all just end right here...you understand don't you father,thats why you left us?"

Dean approached hsi destination paying the driver and got out of the car,walking through the rusty rought iron gates hearing the creak as he pushed it open,getting an errie feeling as he walked along the sunken grass surrounded by tombstones.

Castiel closed his eyes and smiled"I miss you everyday,I thought you were being selfish,taking your own life but now I get it,now I see,you weren't trying to leave us,you just wanted to end your pain,I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that I didn't care."

Licking his lips he injected the poison inside him enough to make the pain stop.

"Cas...don't-"

Castiel turned his head holding his arms out to Dean "shes singing to me again...can't you hear it?"

Dean faked his best smile taking Castiels hand and simply nodded "I hear her Cas...I hear her" slipping down beside him he wrapped his arms around his lover."It's going to be okay Cas...I promise you it's all going to be okay."

That was a lie,it defiantely wasn't going to be okay,and the more he thought about it the more he knew. The end was coming.

**3 months later**

"YOU CAN ALL GO TO HELL...ALL OF YOU...YOU PROMISED ME IT WAS GOING TO BE OKAY REMEMBER,YOU PROMISED ME."

Dean ducked expecting something to be thrown at him "Cas please...they're trying their best,they can't work miracles."

Castiel glared up at Dean "easy for you to say jackass,you're not the one with the timebomb in your head."

The doctor looked between the two of them "Which is why you need to relax Mr Novak,the chemotherapy didn't work,but theres other options."

Dean took his hand supportively giving him an encouraging smile only to be rejected by him.

Castiel placed his hands on the chair rests pulling himself up "No...no I'm done,I'm too tired."

"Cas-?"

Castiel gritted his teeth "JUST BACK OFF...ALL OF YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE" he groaned feeling his insides doing somersaults,he clenched his stomach,feeling a sharp pain stab him repeatively in the head. "stop it...stop it."

Dean looked to the doctor having no idea what was going on "doc whats wrong with him?"he asked panicked.

The doctor calmly approached him "come back inside,we can discuss this further...please."

"I think I'm going to throw up."

The doctor nodded "theres a restroom right over there,take aslong as you need."

Dean tipped his head down,he was used to it by now,after all the treatment he had been recieving,he had seen all the after effects. He took a deep breath waiting on Castiel returning,looking up at the doctor.

"Doc...he's not getting better and I don't know what to do,I dont think I can watch him change anymore,he's...he's different and yeah okay I get it,he's dying but...I want him back,I want my Cas back...please...I need him."

Castiel hugged the toilet bowl choking back the tears as he felt his head pounding,all he wanted was the sound of his savior serenading him into a deep permanent sleep "just take me now...please..I can't-" he held onto the ceramic slowly pulling up his weak, frail matter,groaning catching his reflection in the mirror. He could hardly recognise himself anymore,this image standing before him wasn't him,it angered him to his very core.

"I understand your concern Mr Winchester,but we are doing everything we can,sometimes these cases they just don't work out."the doctor licked her lips tapping her pen on her clipboard a couple of times before speaking once more "You prepare yourselffor whats to come,consult his family once more,I know you tried to reach out to them once before,but I strongly suggest you try again,also for the sake of Castiel,I think its best we transfer him to hospice,it'll be the best place for him."

Dean felt his lips quivering,trying his best not to cry again,he was so sick of crying. He rubbed his chin subconciously shaking his head "So what? He can die alone in a hospital bed?" He clenched his jaw "No...I promised him that I would stay with him till the very end and theres no way in hell i'm letting him waste away in a place like that."

Dean glanced up as the latch became unhinged Cas appearing back.

"Hey buddy how you feeling?"

Castiels eyes glistened brightly with tears forcing a smile "fantastic"he muttered sarcastically"can we go now?"

Dean glanced over at the doctor then to Castiel giving him a nod"sure we can,just need to get a few things from the doc here then we're good to go."

"Fine..i'll wait by the car-"

Dean pulled himself up "Woaw..wait you're not going by yourself,i'll help you."

Castiel shot Dean the biggest glare "dammit Dean..I'm not completely useless you know I can walk a few feet to damn carpark."he stiffly made his way out of the room,every movement illustrating that he was struggling.

"Cas...wait i'll be right there,just hang on."

"NO...BACK OFF... I CAN DO IT."

The doctor wrote out a prescription for him handing it to Dean "get him to take these,it will help with the pain,get him home,and honestly think about what I said."

Dean took the note knowing it was the right thing to do but,he couldnt bear the thought of not being by his side 24/7. He slipped the precreption in his pocket hurrying out the door after Cas,he slipped an arm around him helping him out "hey I got you,its okay."

Castiel grapsed hold of Deans's shirt,his comfort blanket and smiled innocently resting his head into Deans chest "I'm sorry I yelled at you."he choked on the verge of tears.

"It's okay Cas,I understand."

Castiel smiled closing his eyes not letting Dean go,he inhaled his scent letting out a little chuckle wanting to hold onto this moment for as long as he could "Thank you."

Dean wrapped his arms tightly around him for aslong as it took them to reach the impala,helping Cas get inside he then got himself in the drivers seat,driving off to the pharmacy then back to Campus.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

They arrived back on campus pretty quickly,Dean parked the car,got out and helped Castiel out to much frustration of the teenager.

"Dean i'm not a child...back off will you." his anger getting the better of him.

Dean raised his hands up in defense "you sure cause you look like you're having trouble there?"he raised an eyebrow.

Castiel shot a glare at him,if looks could kill then this would be it "dont get cocky."he pulled himself out slamming the door.

Dean sighed heavily rolling his eyes at him "I'm just trying to help you Cas,just...ugh you are impossible lately."

"I don't need your help"he shot back pushing him aside,acting like a teenage girl on her period,turning himself away he headed towards their dorm room.

Dean gritted his teeth,trying to badly to be patient,he knew deep down this wasn't Cas,but he couldnt handle this torture anymore,Castiel was slipping away from him and he couldn't stop it "Cas don't walk away from me...Castiel LOOK AT ME."

Castiel came to a halt,stopping in his tracks as they caught the attention of their classmates,he kept himself calm and reserved as he turned round,facing Dean "What do you want from me Dean?"he asked,keeping his distance.

For the first time Dean was speechless,he curled his bottom lip up tipping his head down to the ground "I just want you...I want you back." he muttered almost in a whisper.

Castiel swallowed hard and frowned "you can't have me,not now,not ever."

Deans' lips quivered,he choked it back shaking his head "please,you were fine until we got back here."

Castiel sighed heavily shrugging his shoulder"I'm tired Dean,I don't want to argue,I gotta try and finish this essay before tomorrow,and would really appreciate you helping me out,oh and another thing quit being a damn cry baby,you're turning into a little girl."he turned away from him towards the dorm.

The hallway of stevenson hall was like zombieland,everyone must be at their several classes,Cas was aware of Dean following him but he was in no mood for an arguement,which is all they seemed to do lately.

"Cas talk to me,tell me what thinking,how your feeling?"

Castiel unlocked the door not even making eye contact with him,he reached over switching on the lightswitch,glancing down to the bed,the invitation too strong to resist "I'm tired."he curled up on the mattress,letting out a small groan.

"Fine,I'll just let you sleep,I should go to atleast one of my classes I suppose...I love you."he muttered desperately.

He was looking for some sort of response,an _I love you too Dean_,but instead all that came from the teens mouth was soft whimpers"stop-"

"Cas-?"

"Don't say you love me",he muttered,his eyes closed.

Dean frowned looking down at his lover "its the truth...I promised you I wasn't going anywhere and I intend to keep that promise dammit."he sighed heavily.

Castiel pulled the duet over his skinny weak body every part of him ached,his head pounding "No...no please-"he sobbed "I can't,go...please,go to your class,go be normal and have a life,i'm a burden,you don't need me ruining your life just cause mine is-"

Dean stared down at his boyfriend,hating to see how vunerable he had become,how weak and frail he was but the fact he was giving up,that annoyed him "Open your eyes Cas...i've been with you every step of the way,you honestly think i'm going to give up now...4 months Cas...you have potentially 4 month left before that ticker goes off inside that head of yours...and I can't"he voice broke,his body quaking with every word,his face burning up with anger.

Castiel simply looked up at Dean not saying a word.

"I can't just walk away knowing you'll be entirely alone...dont you see,you and me,we're all that we've got,we're in this together,so DON'T you dare give up on me."

Castiel turned himself away from him.

Dean threw his hands up "you know what fine,do what you want-"

Opening the room door he groaned grabbing his bag off the hook beside the door swinging it over his shoulder heading right out the door.

"Dean-"he called out to him,turning towards the door the fear of losing the only person in his life finally setting in.

"DEAN" he tried to move,go after him,tell him he made a mistake,anything but it was as if he was no longer in control of his body,he frowned squinting his eyes until they were almost closed trying to regain control"Dean...come back...please...come back"he called out,wheezing as he felt he chest tighten."Dean-" he forced himself off the bed stumbling to the floor,he screamed out every fiber of his being in agony,it felt as though was hammering away at his skeleton breaking every single bone.

"GET UP..GET UP"he grabbed hold of the wall gripping the corners of the rough plaster using every bit of energy he had in him to pull himself up and too the door,Dean was probably long gone by now,but he didn't care,he had to try. This was his stresser,the thought of losing Dean,dying completely alone,this was his doing,he turned him away and now it might be too late,or was he just being paranoid?

He cried out,a hurricane errupting inside his mind,poking his head out the door,the halls were empty "No"

Dean decided,fuck it i'm ditching class,why did it matter anymore anyways,he had pretty much missed all of this semester anyways taking care of Cas so missing one more wouldn't make much of a difference. He pulled up outside what looked like a friendly surburbian neighbourhood,the house in question displaying a highly maintained law,a little too stepford for his liking,stepping up the drive he reached the front door ringing the doorbell.

He stood there maybe a few minutes seeing movement coming from the corner of his frowned banging on the door now.

"I know you're in there,come on out or I will break the damn door down."

The door lock quickly clicked open,the door opening slightly, Castiels' sister greeted him "you can't be here."

"Let me in...we need to talk."he said forcefully.

"What,about Cas,we've heard all the lies before Dean,and it kinda sickens me that he's sent you hear to be his messenger,he wants to talk to us,tell him to come face us himself."she snapped about to slam the door in his face when Dean intervened.

"He can't,your brother is dying,why would any of us lie about that?"

"Because I know him,now get out of our lives Dean before I call the cops."

Dean slammed his fist against the wall "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE,ARE YOU ALL THAT FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD THAT YOU CAN'T ACCEPT THE FACT THAT THIS IS REAL,IT'S REAL,ITS ALL REAL."

Anna stepped outside closing the door behind getting right in Deans' face "I know when i'm being fooled Dean,you don't think i've been through this before,watching him manipulate and play us,his lies drove our father to suicide." her eyes filled up with rage as she gazed upon the green eyed man "so whatever game you two are trying to play,it won't work,so back the hell off."

Dean stood there motionless,shaking his head revealing his vunerable side now "You don't understand"he mumbled.

Taking a breath,Dean composed himself wiping the build up of tears surrounding the corners of his eyes "Please...I'm begging you,he's doesnt have long,I just know he's not going to pull through this."

Anna watched him pour his heart out,the sound in his voice almost sounding genuine,licking her lips she folded her arms leaning against the door.

"He needs his family right now,so he knows that someone else cares,because right now i'm all he's got and...I'm not enough"he paused before continuing "I am not making this up,please im begging you."

Anna licked her lips and frowned shaking her head "okay...you better come inside then,tell us everything."

Mission accomplished,Dean had finally gotten the Novaks convinced,setting up a meeting against Castiels will was probably going ot piss him off but he knew it needed to be done.

"thank you so much,he'll really appreciate this."he turned to face the redheaded sister with a small smile"i'll see you tomorrow morning then?"

Anna wrapped her cardigan around her and nodded "I just don't want to believe it,but yeah i'll see you guys here in the morning"she smiled weakly.

Dean drove back to campus,knowing Castiel will be pissed for leaving him alone like that but he was hoping a nice greasy lunch would make up for that,whistling away to himself he pulled in the carpark,grabbing the paper bag with their food in it heading towards their halls he attention became distracted by the ambulance pulled up outside No,he thought to himself.

Running towards it he saw exactly what he didn't want to see,Cas bloody on a stretcher. Was this,the final countdown?

"What happened?"he asked one of the paramedics as they wheeled him into the ambulance.

"Sir stand back,let us do our jo-"

Dean interrupted clearly angry and upset "I'm his boyfriend,what happened?"

The female paramedic sighed "get in we'll explain on the way."

TO BE CONTINUED...


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The waiting was killing him,the neverending turmoil running through his mind,he couldn't sit still,was this it,was this Castiels' final hour?

Dean ran his hands through his hair sliding down onto the seat in the waiting area,his whole body feeling numb,he wasn't even aware that there were tears rolling down his face,it just came naturally.

"Dean...Dean can you hear me? I am so sorry,if theres anything I can do for you,you know where I am buddy."

Dean stared into space completely out of it,hearing the words faintly being spoken to him. He slowly turned his head feeling a hand being placed on his shoulder.

Chuck Shurley,his best friend through college sat beside him offering him his sympathys.

Dean sat back letting out a defeated sigh turning to face Chuck,gripping his hand tightly.

Chuck gulped,he couldnt't possibly imagine what Dean must be going through "What are they saying,what happened?"

Dean trembled his eyes fixed to nothing in particular"this is all my fault."

Chuck frowned staring up at him "what are you talking about Dean,what happened?"

"He-He suffered a seizure,something set it off and before that moment we had a fight,well it was mostly me,I acted like such a jerk to him,when im not the one suffering"he took a long pause"don't you get it,I did this to him...I should never of left him."

"Come on Dean none of this is your fault,you need to stop blaming yourself."

Dean gritted his teeth pushing him away "How can I not?"

Chuck shook his head dismissively "Dean...listen to me right now,Cas is sick,it wouldn't of mattered either way weather or not you had a fight or weather Cas went to class or whatever,its the tumor thats eating away inside him,you are not the cause of his pain okay?"

The teenager clapped his hands together,letting out a little whimper tryingto remain calm "it's just hard,and it's not fair,he doesn't deserve any of this." Despite learning a very interesting fact from Castiels' sister,he still believed that Castiel was innocent.

"I know,the world is a cruel place,bad things just happen to good people I guess."

Dean rolled his eyes "yeah thats one way or putting it." He pulled himself up becoming agitated.

Chuck watched him curiously,wondering what was else was going through his mind,he knew that look,he had that guilty look on his face, he wanted to confront him but now was probably not a good time,he turned his head suddenly as a doctor approached them. "Dean" he pointed in the direction of her.

The doctor strolled up to them "Hi...Dean is it?" looking to Chuck.

Dean cleared his throat "thats me"he corrected folding his arms "how is he?"

The doctor tapped her pen on the clipboard "well Castiel had a lucky escape-"she explained everything ,using language he would understand "the tumor swelled causing the seizure,its perfectly normal,luckily for him,it didn't cause too much damage,but we need to be realistic here,its becoming progressively worse"she looked back up at him,aserious look on her face "I understand you were in here earlier today?"

Dean stared up at the blonde,slightly hot doctor and smiled weakly looking down"you want him transferred don't you?"

The doctor gave him a sympathetic smile giving him a nod "without the correct treatment,Cas won't survive long,it is in his best interest that he gets the treatment that he needs,the only options are to remove it,or wait it out." she inhaled looking up at the teenagers "I'll let you and Cas discuss it,he's in recovery at the moment so you are welcome to go see him."

Dean stared off into the distance only faintly making out what the doctor was telling him "thank you."

Locating Castiels room wasn't that hard,he was put in a private room which he was happy about,it meant they could have their conversation alone.

Glancing up at Chuck he smiled weakly "thanks for sticking around buddy,but I can take it from here,I kinda wanna be alone with him you understand."

Chuck smiled back "ofcourse,i'll inform the Dean whats been going on for you,let everyone know,we're all worried."

"Thank you Chuck."

Dean let out a heavy sigh, a sudden rush of nerves churning in his stomach as he opened the door,Castiel lay there silently,to say he looked like death was an understatement.

He stood silent for a moment,not really knowing what to say.

Cas slowly turned his head and smiled weakly"hey beautiful"he groaned closing his eyes in pain,still a little out of it from his tests.

"Hey-"

Cas turned to face him opening his eyes admiring every part of him"hmm you know we really should stop meeting like this" he forced a smile,letting out a slight moan as he got himself comfortable.

"Cas...I,I'm so sorry."

Castiel rested his head back and smiled weakly"It's okay Dean,this wasn't you, infact you kinda opened my eyes to the reality of my illness,to how serious this is."he frowned.

Dean licked his lips taking a seat beside his bed,he really didn't want to have this talk infact he was dreading it. "We need to talk Cas,about what we're going to do."

Castiel lay there with his eyes closed"I know" it was something they both knew they had to deal with at one point but he didn't think it would be this soon. "Yeah,erm I want it out of me Dean,and it that means that this is the end then so be it...I was told that a specialist could potentially remove the tumor,so that's what I want."

Dean reached over taking his hand running his fingertips along the bumps of his knuckles and smiled "if thats what you want then okay,thats what we'll do..i'll go inform your doctor." he went to pull himself up,feeling his heart breaking inside,something telling him this was a bad idea,but he had to respect Castiels' decision.

"Dean wait...don't go just yet...please."

Dean smiled weakly "okay" he replied quietly taking a seat once more,sitting with Cas in silence.

A week later Castiel had made a somewhat full recovery,the doctor confident enough to let him leave,his surgery had been booked in for 2 weeks on the day,in which time he was to be transferred to a specialist clinc just outside of town,sadly for the Cas,Dean hadn't broke the news about visiting his sister,or about breaking the news that he was struggling to pay Castiels medical bills,but he couldn't bear worrying him any longer,Cas was getting the treatment he needed,he would figure out a way to pay it all back.

"It seems like a nice place,you'll be comfortable there,I know it."

Castiel sighed placing his belongs being confided to a wheelchair in the meantime "you really think so,it's just going from one prison to another,having people prod and poke away inside me,quite literally."

Dean raised an eyebrow pushing him along Campus "well duh,how else do you think they're going to get it out of you."

Glancing down at the floor, he groaned"yeah I know,but its frustrating i've had enough of people poking around in there." he smiled over at someone wishing him well.

"Wow Cas..looks like you're pretty popular all of a sudden."

Castiel glanced up at them all,forcing a smile "can you just get me inside,I don't any one giving me attention,I just...I want to get this meeting over with so I can get out of here."

Dean cleared his throat and nodded,doing as he instructed,he pushed him up the ramp heading to main part of campus towards the Deans' office,"Okay do you still want me to come in with you or you good on your own."

"No I need you,incase...you know-"he tipped his head down.

"okay"

They momentarily arrived at her office,Dean reaching over tapping on the door,quickly being greeted at the door "Hey I hope we're not too late."

"Ofcourse not,why don't you boys come inside."

Dean gave her a warm smile as they both entered,closing the door behind him.

Cas stared into space thinking back to the first time he was in this office,he was practically begging the Dean to let him have this oppurtunity,a chance to study in one of the top colleges in America and now he sat here ending it. He breathed in,rubbed his lips together and began explaining to the Dean his situation. This chapter of his life was certainly over,but deep down he knew another chapter was about to begin,the fight to defeat this illness,and he wasn't going to go down easily.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

MATURE CONTENT AHEAD.

The Dean was very understanding about Castiels' situation,out of good faith too she agreed to let Castiel finish off the semester in the clinc,he definately appreciated it. He sat staring into the unknown as Dean hurried off packing up a few things he would need.

"Okay I think I got everything"Dean muttered to himself as he came through dumping things on the bed.

Castiels eyes shifted towards the pile of rubbish on the bed,his eyes widened as he was drawn to something moving aside some clothing "Erm Dean...what the hell is your porn collection doing in the pile?"

Dean appeared back again and shrugged "How else are you going to entertain yourself in that place huh?" he winked.

"Dean i'm hardly going to jerk myself off in a freeking hospital,I can hardly freeking walk anymore how am I supposed to-"

Dean rolled his eyes "fine...i'll keep it then,get you something normal to read then shall I?"

Castiel drapped his arms over the arm rests of the chair"Dean i'm only there for 4 weeks,i'll survive."

Dean turned his back to him,clearing his throat "damn right you will"he grinned running his fingers through his soft brunette hair.

Castiel let out a small moan "hmm that feels good...real good."

Dean grinned turning him round to face him now,sitting on the bed so he was eye level with him"really?"

Castiel dazed into Deans beautiful,enchanting eyes and nodded placing his hands on his boyfriends perfectly toned thighs pulling himself closer to the bed "mhhmm,I wish I could have the energy to fuck your brains out but sadly no can do."

Dean smiled weakly feeling a slight tingling sensation,he ran his fingers along his cheekbone "don't worry,soon enough you'll get your strength back and we'll ride the waves together again."

Castiel reached up placing his hand upon his feeling his warmth "I love you."he let out a little chuckle pulling him into a kiss "don't you forget that."

Dean squinted sensing the fear in his voice "Cas...don't-"

Castiel smiled innocently pulling his lips away from his,breathing in "I just...I had to say,just incase."

"Come on man don't ruin the moment,we were fine,and you are going to be fine."

Castiel laughed a little "I know...i'm sorry,I'm just worried,I don't want to lose you."

"You won't"he pulled him into another kiss"now come on you big girl,lets get you packed up,your ride should be here soon."

Castiel groaned in disguist as he took his medication to help sooth the pain. He choked back pulling himself up out of the chair grabbing hold of Dean.

"Woaw..Cas you sure you want to do this?"

Cas nodded "I'm sure I wanna walk it...I can do it,just..just don't let go okay?"

Dean smiled softly,nodding back "alright."he threw his backpack over one shoulder and had Castiels's arm over the other one "you ready?"

Castiel turned his back,taking a look at his room,thinking back of all the lovely memories him and Dean had created together,it was surprisenly hard to let go.

"Yeah,I'm ready" he turned himself round stiffly walking out the room with his lover in his arms.

Dean gave Cas a supportive smile as they walked down the corridors having one of their roommates to wheel his chair out "don't you worry you'll back down these halls in no time."

Castiel rested his head on Deans's shoulder, gripping hold of his hand tightly "yeah-"he muttered hopeful,he reached over stroking his cheek proudly kissing him.

Dean helped him get into the mini bus that was escorting him to his temporary new home"I'll ride in the back with you."

Castiel smiled innocently reaching out to him wrapping his arms around his waist,resting his head against his chest. "hmm,your warm."he muttered quietly.

Dean smiled down at him,pulling him closer to him,it was the closest he was going to get to him for a while "I'll never let you go Cas,just so you know i'm always here."

"I know...and thank you."

Dean unlocked the door labelled 627 and gulped as he entered carry Castiels belongings as the nurse wheeled him in.

"Well its not exactly the Hilton but it'll do right?"

Castiel dazed off into his own little world and smiled "it's fine,I'm not here for long anyways."

Dean dumped his bags on the bed, turning to face Cas and smiled painfully,just seeing his boyfriend in such a fragile state broke his heart.

Castiel got himself familar with his new surroundings,it was small and dark with nothing but a single bed,minimal which is just what he needed.

"Alright well lets get you settled in then I guess we wait."

We wait.

We wait,what exactly were they waiting for,for the ocean to come and suck the soul out of him? No,they were not going on this journey together,Castiel had to take the plunge alone,it was something he was willing to sacrifice,his life for Deans happiness.

"I wait...I just need your support okay?"

Dean gave him a nod turning his attention to the nurse giving them all the details, Dean would only be allowed to visit during the afternoons right before his half hourly lectures,weekends,mornings and evenings were assessment time for the doctors, I guess it was fair,the weaker Cas got the harder it would be for them both.

Pulling himself out of the wheelchair Cas admired the garden outside drifting off into his own little world again.

The Nurse glanced up at Dean "right son i'm going to have to ask you to leave,but you are welcome to come back tomorrow afternoon at your convience."

Dean glanced over at Cas who looked terrified "yeah i'll be back tomorrow,no problem can I erm...just say a few words before I go."

Castiel turned to face Dean now,a blank canvas look on his face as he dazed into Deans beaming green eyes"Don't...don't say anything,i'll be fine,just promise to get your sexy ass back here tomorrow okay?"

"Deal" Dean smirked,slowly approaching him. He stopped dead in his tracks running his fingers through his soft brown hair "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah"he replied in a small voice tracing a fingertip delicately along Deans' lower lip "I love you."

Dean placed a hand on his mans hip and grinned planting a soft tender kiss in return "I love you too,see you tomorrow." It took all his strength to pull himself from Castiel,he didn't want to leave him alone here,it scared him to know that he had spend this time alone here.

Letting his hand slip away from Dean Cas gave him a small smile turning back to the window,staring into space.

Dean sighed exhaling sharply"look after him."he told the Nurse and left.

So the waiting began,these two weeks seemed to last forever,the struggle for the one he loved was starting to take its toll on Dean,he hadn't slept in days,he was so behind in his school work and too make matters worse he could no longer afford to pay Castiels' medical bills. Without this final bill the chances of him actually having the surgery was slim and without the surgery Castiel would die.

Zipping his bag shut,he packed all his belongings that he would need for his next class stress levels to the max,he just wanted to get through this day so he could check up on Cas.

He slammed the door shut and darted out the door like a lightening bolt,he was on a mission thats for certain. He sped down the hallways when he finally approached his classroom colliding into someone _SHIT_ he thought as he crashed on the floor.

"OH my god i'm such a clutz,i'm so sorry are you ok?"

Dean quickly gathered up his stuff "yeah, I-I'm okay"he glanced up at the boy standing before him. He was tall,slim, preppy in style with very defined features,attractive to say the least.

He was quick to avoid eye contact with the boy,not wanting to be late.

"You're Dean right?" asked the brunette.

Dean frowned holding his books to his chest "erm...do I know you?"

The boy smiled sweetly"doubt it,i'm a senior,I've seen you around though and well erm I've just heard things about you."

"Yeah well whatever you've heard its probably bullshit."

He smirked flashing his best charming smile "oh I don't think so,i'm sure all the dirty rumors are true"he leaned in towards him,"heres my number call me if you get lonely,I'll rock your world to the moon and back."he winked slipping him his cheesiest pick up line,he slipped his card into his jacket pocket walking past him with a satisfied look on his face.

"The names Micheal by the way,see you around Dean."he winked past him a little skip in his step as he walked in the opposite direction to which ever class he had.

Dean turned back looking back to him watching as he walked away.

Deciding to forget about the fact that Micheal was practically drooling all over him,he made his way to class,finding a seat right at the got his notebook out and listened in as his lecture began.

Castiel lay with a blanket draped over him listening to whatever his lectureur was trying to tell him,none of it sinking in.

"I don't get it...I can't"

His professer looked up at him sitting on the edge of the bed turning the page in his textbook "Yes you can,just take your time."

Castiel rubbed his lips together trying to focus on the words on the page,he frowned it all coming out gibberish. Out of frustration Castiel threw the book to the floor "I CAN'T DO IT,Whats the point,not like any of this is going to do any good."

There was a long pause after Castiels' outburst his professer sat quietly looking up awkwardly at her student.

"I'm sorry" he apologized through gritted teeth "I shouldn't of done that."

"Hey you don't have to apologize Cas, I understand."she reached down retrieving the book from the floor "lets just take it slow okay,you can do this."

Castiel sighed heavily and relucantly nodded "kay-"he forced a smile the glistening of tears as the pain became suddenly apparent. He groaned as he tried to sit up.

The professor smiled sympathetically"you know what why don't we leave it at that for today,i'll come back same time tomorrow,besides isn't Dean coming soon."she grinned.

"Yeah,he should be here any minute,he usually comes by around this time,just seeing his face brightens up my day"he told the professor with a tearful smile.

"You love him alot don't you,both of you,i've seen the way you look at each other."

"I'd be lost without him."

Dean yawned exiting the lecture hall,checking his watch already late for his usual meeting time with Cas,putting his books away in his bag he headed outside being greeted by Micheal.

"Well fancy seeing you here."he grinned.

"Are you stalking me or something?"

Micheal let out a little chuckled,perching himself up against the steps "would it matter if I did,I mean your hot can you blame a guy?"he shrugged with a smirk.

Dean rolled his eyes,he shook his head "Well I appreciate your enhusiasm,but I have a b-,I'm with someone."

"so-"

"So...you and me,not happening kay?"

This unfortuantely happened all too often,any chance when he was alone all the single hotties followed him around like lost sheep,it was irritating but out of his control. They all knew he was with Castiel but because of his past reputation of screwing anything that moves,men and woman alike thought it would be easy for them to get a quickie.

"Whats the harm in one night out,you deserve to let things loose,forget about all your worries and enjoy yourself...come on,one night thats all i'm asking?"

Dean turned his face in disguist beginning to walk away "I have to go."

Micheal reached out taking his hand "come on Dean,don't be like that...please I have a free period spend it with me,I know you want it...you've not had a good fuck for months,I know that look."

Dean pulled his hand away "get your hands off me,take the hint,i'm not interested."

Micheal just laughed not giving up without a fight,he knew his reputation,and god dammit he was going to experience a night with him if it killed him. Without hesistation,he pulled him back towards him,digging his fingers through the Winchesters hair roughly kissing him.

Dean let out a little whimper trying to resist but boy it felt incredible. He returned the kiss stepping down the steps with Micheal as he lead them towards the carpark.

Micheal grinned satisfied once more as he triumphed.

Micheal threw the door open pushing Dean forcefully into his bedroom "take off your clothes."he instructed already removing his own finding it absolutely adorable how hesistant Dean had become.

"I...I can't..this is wrong."

Micheal placed a fingerover his lips"shh...don'tfight it,we both want this,besides it's not cheating if he doesn't find out"he grinned "NOW strip."he shoved him to the double bed.

Dean gulped suddenly feeling powerless against him,stumbling on the mattress he unwillingly undressed himself "Micheal please,I-"he looked into his eyes trying to resist the urge,but he had the hunger for it,he knew it was wrong but now that he caught sight of Micheals magnificent body he couldn't help himself. He stripped until he was down to his boxers and smiled nervously.

"There..see now that wasn't so hard was it?"

Dean gulped laying there,actually terrified which was unlike him.

"So come on the rockstar show us what you got,show us the real Dean Winchester,the one i've heard so much about" his cheeky smile widening as he joined him on the bed.

Dean licked his lips going right for it"well I don't mess about...lay on your back"he ordered,prepping him slipping two spit soaked fingers into his hole.

Micheal moaned out "oh god yes,just fuck me...just do it."

Dean closed his eyes slipping his boxers down,electrical charges of pleasure ran through him as he slipped into Micheals' hole pounding hard and faster,picking up the pace with each thrust.

This was escasty.

"Oh god..Dean,don't stop...please"he begged desperately gripping his hands on the sheets letting out a hungry growl.

Dean paused pulling himself out when he realised what he was doing.

"No-"

Micheal spun round now so he was gazing into Deans' eyes raising an eyebrow "No?"he questioned. "I thought this is what you wanted."

Dean slipped completely out of Micheal spilling allover the place,quick to pull his boxers up simply shaking his head.

"You want to get paid don't you,you want to save his life?"

Dean pulled himself up suddenly turning to face the senior puzzled.

"What?"

"I can help you,I can give you what you desire,but you have to help me in return."

Dean gulped standing there silently"I am not a whore."

Micheal burst out laughing posing himself seductively on his bed spreading out in an inviting manor "yes you are,besides I know exactly what you would be willing to do to save his life...sex is your drug Dean,just like heroine is Castiels' I should know I sold it to him."

"You son of a bitch-"

"Now theres no need to be rude...come on let me help you" he patted the bed a twinkle in his eye as he winked.

Dean gritted his teeth turning his face away from grabbing his jeans slipping them back up "forget it."

Micheal sighed hoping it didn't have to come to this, he shook his head coming up behind Dean grabbing hold of him putting a hand to his mouth until he was out cold.

When Dean finally woke he was face down on the mattress both arms and feet were restrained to the bed. "Ugh Micheal...stop let me go please."

Micheal stood at the edge of the bed admiring his prey,hungry predator eyes fixed on the sophmores tight and firm ass.

"How much do you love him?" he leaned down to the side of the bed so Dean could see him trailing fingertips along his cheeks smiling as Dean resisted loving how much he was struggling to break free.

"Don't bother,you're not getting out of there until i'm satisfied,now answer me,how much do you love him?"

Dean whimpered closing his eyes for a moment wishing he was by his bedside right this second instead of this "I would die for him,I would take his place in a second."he answered tugging at his restraints bound to his wrists feeling them digging into his skin.

The senior grinned giving him a nod "okay then...then lets get started,it's probably better you don't fight this,besides...it's not like you don't want this,I see it in your eyes you want to be taken advantage of,trash like you,it's all you know."he lightly chuckled unable to resist the urge now brutally burying himself into Deans fine ass plowing into it roughly until he was happy with the amount of abuse he was giving it.

Dean remained still,unable to fight it off all he could do was lay there and enjoy the ride and to his disgust,he couldn't deny that he did.

When it was over,Micheal released him from his restrainsts tossing not nearly enough cash to cover Castiels's medical bills but that was his plan.

"Thank you Dean,until next time." he left him alone to fend for himself.

Dean sat there shaking,sobbing uncontrollably as he looked down at the wad of Cash beside him,he took a deep breath manning up so to speak and got himself dressed.

The only thing that was going to make this day better was seeing Castiel.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"Oh god...I can't I breath...Dean,where's Dean?" Cas cried out hysterically as the nurses tried to control the pain that the teen was suffering,dosing him up with morphine.

"He's on his way Castiel,I promise,he's coming just try to relax." The head nurse moved away leaving the others to try and control his breathing.

"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep."

The nurse cleared her throat speaking over to one of her collegues "any word on where Mr Winchester is sir?" she asked looking back to Castiel.

"No...we've tried to contact him and theres no answer on any of the contacts numbers he's given us."

The cries coming from the teen becoming unbearable for the trainee nurse.

"Just try to relax Castiel,the morphine should numb the pain."

Castiel gasped for breath feeling his lungs tighten in his streaming down his face as he tried to breath.

"He's...not coming is he?"

"Shh,it's okay,it's okay just get some rest." The nurse checked the monitors satified now that he was stablizing.

Castiel stared into space as the morphine was taking effect his eyes wide and confused "he's left me,he's...left m-"he drifted off slightly grabbing his head "my head...oh god my head...it hurts..it-"

Half an hour later he had calmed down,the pain was still apparent making him paranoid,why wasn't Dean there when he needed him? He couldn't help but think that Dean had given up on him,he wouldn't blame him now,he was nothing more than a waste of space.

Dean stumbled over to his car dropping his keys in a panic,"dammit"he cursed reaching down to pick them up,he got in wiping away the tears forming around his eyes with the tip of his thumb.

Then he was off to the clinic.

When he finally arrived he ran his fingers through his hair checking in at reception "Look I know i'm late but please...you gotta let me see him,please"he begged.

"I'm sorry Mr Winchester i'm not authorised to let you through,Cas is currently undergoing treatment,come back tomorrow okay."

Dean tapped his foot impatiently putting a hand in his pocket,wanting to fight back "okay"he replied his voice broken tipping his head down in defeat,reaching into his pockets pulling out not even half the amount of money needed to pay for Castiels' sugery "Can you just tell him I came..please."

The receptionist glanced down at the money then at the boy shaking his head "I'm sorry this...this isn't enoug-"

"I know its not enough"he interrupted with an angry tone. "I'll get you the rest."

The receptionist gave the boy a sympathetic look "I'm sorry,I know this is hard on you both but without the funding it'll be impossible for him to get the best care."

He didn't speak now,gritting his teeth he nodded pushing the door open with such force he nearly took the door off its hinges,returning to his car.

Dean drove around,just trying to clear his head,the thought of going back to that monster made him feel sick. He checked his watch deciding to return back to his dorm to collect some things for his next lesson,even if his head wasn't really in it.

Slipping his laptop into his bag he looked around the half empty dorm room and sighed heavily having no idea what to do.

Moments later Dean was wandering down a dark corridor knocking on one of the doors. He looked up through dead eyes,eyes bloodshot from all the stress as the door came swinging open.

"Back so soon?"

Dean swallowed turning his face awkwardly "I need your help again."

"Why don't you come inside,i'll see what I can do for you."

Dean willingly entered closing the door behind him.

"Can I get you a drink?"

"No,lets just cut to the chase yeah."

Micheal smirked "My my aren't you keen,how much do you need this time?"he asked smugly knowing exactly how much he needed,but seeing Dean begging like this got him hard.

Dean licked his lips staring into space,standing in the seniors hallway awkwardly "erm,2000 and look you'll get it all back I promise."

Micheal grinned moving forward towards Dean "I'm sure we can come to some kinda of arrangement,come take a seat."

Dean gulped looking into the eyes of senior,everything about him screamed sex,he inhaled smelling the stale aroma of cigarettes coming off the senior. He sat as instructed.

"I'll give you what you want happily Dean but first you need to do something for me" seeing the fear in the second years eyes he smiled "remember that was the deal I help you,you help me it's only fair."

He stood close to him so his crotch was at eye level to Dean. Micheal slowly unzipped his jeans unbuckling the belt secure his jeans against his hips,he slid it off smoothly wrapping the leather around his hand,then let loose the button so his jeans fell to his ankles.

Dean tried to turn his face away only to have Micheal grab the back of his hair roughly forcing him to admire his now pulsating was so inviting.

"Micheal...I-" he muttered hesistantly.

"Don't disobey or you won't get your reward." he tugged at his hair pulling his head back so he was looking into his eyes "now be a good slut and suck it."

Micheals eyes were luminous with desire firing the heated blood that was already pumping through his body.

He pulled Deans' head down forcing his cock in his mouth pumping and thrusting into his mouth with brutal force causing the 2nd year to choke,he gagged spilling allover the place.

When he was done he pulled himself away,he cleared his throat "Come back tonight,you'll get your reward then."

Dean sat there wanting to throw up,he wiped his mouth instinctively looking up at him "what?"

Micheal turned to face him pulling his jeans up "Oh come on did you really think sucking me off was going to get you the 2 grand,stupid boy?"he snarled.

"You belong to me now Winchester and if you want the money you will do as I say."

Dean shuddered in fear his skin crawling at Micheals' sex wouldn't bother him what he feared the most was what he was going to have to do to get what he needed.

"Well?"

Dean didn't respond.

Micheal sighed walking back over to him tracing a hand along the stuble on his cheek "Leave,come back at 8pm sharp and trust me i'll make it worth your while."he whispered pulling himself away again.

"LEAVE."

Dean pulled himself up silently and nodded leaving as he asked.

The night filled up the sky and Dean returned to Micheals' unable to control the trembling inside him.

He relucantly pulled himself out of his car and let himself back into the pits of hell,so to speak.

Knocking on the door once more the door opened instantly. He frowned as he stepped inside "well I came back."

Micheal chuckled "Yes...yes you did,come on in,everyones' in the master bedroom."

_Everyone? What the fuck?_ He thought to himself as he went through finding three people in there.

"These are my boys...this is Gabriel,Zach and Gordan."

He skimmed his eyes over them and judging by the look on the shorter ones face,he didn't want to be here anymore than he did.

"Alright well lets get this party started...Dean can I get you a drink?"

Dean simply nodded "the strongest you've got"he replied.

Micheal nodded.

He handed his drink to him and smiled "you look nervous,don't be I can see we're all going to have one hell of a night."

Dean downed his drink in one gagging as it hit the back of his throat "I'm fine."

Zach chuckled madly "sure looks fine well come on sugar,we've been hearing increbible stuff about you."

Dean stared at the four of them his head pounding,feeling slightly light headed all of a sudden "No...no I didn't sign on for th-"he muttered slurred now feeling funny inside,he looked to his glass and gulped "you drugged me?"

Micheal smiled sinsterly catching him as he fell "shhh...don't speak,it'll all be over soon."

The last few hours were a blur for the Winchester,he vaguely remembered all four of them treating themselves to his sweet ass on multiple times.

"Guys come on we don't want to hurt him-"

"Don't be such a pussy Gabe,this never bothered you before"

"This time its different,his guys dying for crying out loud,maybe thats enough"

"whatever dude,you can clean up the mess...come on boys."

There were sounds of doors crashing and then nothing.

Dean groaned laying flat on his stomach a little out of it,every part of him aching,he slowly pulled himself up looking up "don't touch me,please" he muttered quietly knowing someone else was still there.

Gabriel spun round "oh goody your up look i'm sorry about what they did to you."

"It was my own choice,I did what I had to."he tipped his head down feeling like he was going to throw up,having some sort of deja vu,like he had been in this situation before oddly enough not remembering when or with who.

Dean sat there in silence wiping away the tears mixed with sweat that was rolling down his face reaching for his shirt "I'll let myself out." he reached for the cheque on the bed and just left.

"Dean...I'm sorry about Cas...I hope he survives this."

"Don't, you don't get to talk about him."

Gabriel frowned "Hey i'm on your side buddy I never touched you tonight,just so you know."

Dean turned to face him now "Cause that makes it better... it doesn't matter I've got what I want now."he clenched his jaw choking back the sobs that were betraying him.

Without furtherado he stiffly headed out the flat and to his car.

He arrived back at his dorm room heading straight to the en suite,sticking two fingers in his mouth he forced himself to throw up he rested his pounding head against the the toilet bowl crying out,letting out all his emotions.

"Cas...I'm sorry...i'm so so sorry."he wailed placing a hand on the tiles trying to pull himself back up,he managed to unchange revealing his after sex bruises,he stumbled into the shower turning on the hot water cleaning away all the blood and semen off him,wiping any shed of evidence that he could.

He then forced himself sorely into his bed,crying himself to sleep. "Im sorry Cas..forgive me."

"Forgive me please."

THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS SO FAR,I'm slowly but surely reaching the climax of the story,hope you all stick around to see what happens next :)


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The next morning was a tough,he was en route back to the clinc tapping his hand on the steering wheel debating with himself weather he should tell Castiel what he did.

He pulled into thr nearest parking space folding the cheque in the palm of hand and sighed heavily pushing through the double doors looking down at the receptionist "Morning."

The receptionst raised her hand as the phone rang,she answered it leaving Dean hanging.

"Mr Winchester you're early,you know you can't see him till the afternoon."

Dean slide the cheque towards her on the counter "I don't care i've just been through hell to save his life now...let me see him."

The receptionsit accepted the cheque astonished "erm...i'll buzz you through but just this once."

Dean smiled geniuely and nodded "thank you,I appreciate that."he signed into the visitors book and headed through to the rooms,finding Castiels room easily,it was just down the hall and to the right.

He tapped on the door and smiled weakly find Castiel walking about talking with one of the nurses. "I'm not intruding am I?"

Castiel spun round letting out a weak smile sensing something different about Dean the moment he entered the room.

He reached out to him as he wandered over to him pulling him into a hug. "Hey-"

The nurse was clearly irritated,she rolled her eyes "i'll be right back...Cas if you need anything just buzz me."

Castiel smiled brightly at her"thanks"he held onto Dean and smiled into his eyes "Where have you been?"

"I'm sorry something...err came up yesterday but it's okay now,we're going to be okay right?"

Castiel let out a violent cough turning away,he pulled himself away falling to bed breathing heavily he manovered himself round so he was laying down,pulling the blanket over him.

Dean watched Castiel sadly glancing down to his feet "erm...do you want me to come back later?"

"NO...you only just got here...talk to me,tell me about your day...I miss the sound of your voice."

Dean took a seat beside his bed,apprehensively about to admit to him about his 'extra curricular activities'. He smiled innocently fidgetting a little "nothing special,just been studying trying to catch up with everything."

Castiel turned his head slightly knowing right away he was lying,he swallowed hard letting out a weak groan as he sat up"you studying? Do you think i'm an idiot?"

"No..but Cas I really was."

Castiel turned his head to face him "No you weren't but whatever Dean,don't have to tell me it doesn't matter."

He reached over to grab a cup of water that sat on a table beside him taking a drink.

They sat in silence for a moment.

Dean fixed his eyes upon Castiel "I'm sorry...your right I wasn't studying."he forced a smile "I just can't lie to you...I erm,was getting the money to get the top specialist in to perform your surgery next week."

"You..what,how?"

Dean fidgetted again forcing a smile "doesn't matter how,now I know you'll have the best"he leaned over planting a gentle kiss on his forehead.

Castiel let out a little whimper closing his eyes resting his head "I love you."

"Are you okay...Cas do you want me to get the nurse?"he asked worried.

"NO...just sit with me,keep talking."

Dean licked his lips nervously "Cas...I have to admit something,and I need you to promise you won't hate me for it,please...cause I still love you"he took a deep breath grasping Castiels' hand.

"I've done something horrible,something,unforgiveable...I slept with someone else,I was desperate Cas,I didn't know what to do and when I got told they were going to cancel your op if I didn't get the money to get the specialist over,I panicked. I've been struggling for a while and..and I found a way to get the money easily."he sobbed "I'm so sorry Cas...please."

There was silence from the other end,Dean took a deep breath.

"I'm supposed to be looking after you,i'm supposed to be the only one,and i've betrayed you-"he choked back refusing to cry "I just want you to know Cas that I love you so much,I did all of this for you,you're all i care about in the world,I would die for you you hear me?" his eyes filled up looking up at him.

Castiel was asleep breathing in deeply, he raised his arm tracing his fingers along Castiels knuckles kissing them "Please Cas I need you to forgive me."

He untangled himself from the wires that were attached to Castiel giving him another kiss.

He jumped as his moment was cut short,feeling his mobile vibrate in his pocket,he slipped his hand away reaching for his phone.

_Afternoon sexy how are you feeling?,great night last night,fancy round 2? M_

Dean immediately deleted the message,feeling sick to the stomach. Checking Castiels' monitor he sighed as everything was normal.

His phone buzzed again.

_I'm great seeing as you didn't ask,hope to see you tonight :P M_

_"_Fucking asshole"he muttered under his breath,deleting the message."i'll be right back Cas okay?"he smiled weakly letting him go briefly whilst he went to boost up on caffine.

Castiel breathed in heavy laying on his side,peaking his eyes open slightly,having heard everything.

He dissapeared to the vending machine,aching all over waiting for his coffee,the machine binged indicating that it was ready,removing it he held it carefully in both hands returning to the room.

Castiel had come too,his eyes wide open,staring up at the ceiling,pain in his eyes.

"hey your awake."he smiled.

Castiel forced a weak smile back and simply nodded pulling his hair off his face "you should go,the nurse will be back soon."

Dean frowned confused at how distant Cas had suddenly become "come on,let me stay a little longer,i've hardly seen you."

"Yeah well thats not my fault is it."he snapped.

"What the hell is up with you?"

"Whats up with me...whats up with me is i'm in pain and I...I can't it anymore,don't you see everything I do it hurts and you...seeing you now,it pains me even more."

Deans' eyes widened as he spoke"I can't begin to understand what your going through,but i'm trying to help you."

"well your not,your making it harder on me...yesterday made me see that,being without you it got me thinking."he coughed up "if the surgerys successful,I want you to let me go."

"Cas-"

"I mean it,I mean clearly I mean nothing to you anymore otherwise you wouldn't of slept with that guy last night." he looked up at him hurt.

"Cas...no...I love you...I know I made a mistake...I know that I didn't want to but he made me."

Castiel smiled painfully"he made you? Give me a fucking break Dean,I know you,you knew I was useless now so you just couldn't keep your dick in your pants long enough to fuck some other guys brains out."he roared his anger clearly this not doing him any favours.

"No Cas it wasn't like that,you've got to believe me, he's paid for you to get your surgery,if he helped me then I had to help him that was the deal."

Dean had tears in his eyes again,all he ever did now was cry.

"You're an idiot,there's other ways to come up with cash,but no...understandably you figured sex was the option cause thats all you ever think about."

"Cas I'm sorry."

"Don't say your sorry"he coughed up stuff gagging at the foul taste in his mouth.

Dean went over to him rubbing his back gently "It's okay-"

Castiel winced "don't fucking touch me...you know what I would rather die than take that money,because now its cursed...just go...please,just leave and don't come back...you hear me we're over."

This couldn't be the end,not like this.

"Cas please don't,I need you."

Castiel sat up throwing up in the bucket beside him "just go away."he sobbed into the bucket having another attack.

Dean immediately alerted the nurses backing away so the nurses could do their job,the scene terrifying him,blaming himself for this "oh god."being instructed by the nurses to wait outside he paced around the corridor not daring leave.

This was his doing and he knew he had to fix it.

One of the nurses came rushing out grabbing the phone,quickly dialling a number.

Dean frowned listening in,fear overwhelming as he heard that the nurse was calling the specialist

"I understand sir but if you don't get here tomorrow,it's possible he won't last another night,okay thank you sir,see you in the morning."she hung up walking right past Dean.

Dean gaped through the cracks in the door finding two nurses busy at work.

This was it now wasn't it,this was the moment he had been waiting for,the inevitable truth in which Castiel lived or died

Was he scared?

Yes.

Does he think Cas will survive this?

Yes,because thats all he had to go on,if he didn't,he would never forgive himself.

**WOOW,two chapters in one day,i'm on a roll :D well this is it,the final few chapters are coming next,possibly maybe a few more extras. Be prepared for even more angst and thank you again. x**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Dean sat fast asleep outside the room,he couldn't bear to leave especially after what just happened,this was his mistake and he had to fix it.

He smiled weakly as he came out of his slumber,reality hitting him like a ton of bricks,this was it the dreaded day.

A nurse smiled weakly at him as she passed.

"I'm sorry,I didn't mean to fall asleep."

The nurse smiled "don't worry about it,you can stay as long as you need now,infact,in the next few hours the doctor should be here,I know its against schedule but-"

"You don't need to explain,I get it and thank you,for helping him through this-"he wiped his tired eyes pulling himself,digging into his pockets for loose change heading towards the vending machine.

"no need to thank me,i'm just doing my job."

He pulled a weak smile taking his coffee and slowly sipped it. "Can I see him before he's taken in?"he asked the nurse hopeful,he couldn't just leave things the way they were.

"sure...umm just a sec,let me check up on him then i'll let you know."she clocked in,dumped her bag with reception and strolled through to Castiels's room.

A few minutes after the nurse came back"come on through Dean."

Dean held his coffee in the palms of his hand wandering through slowly offering the nurse a friendly smile "thank you."

He headed through Castiel laying there wide awake,he looked fatigued and painfully thin,one of the nurses trying to force him to eat.

"C-Cas?"he stuttered.

"I thought I told you to fuck off"he muttered quietly.

Dean gritted his teeth looking down "I can't...Cas,I need you to know you're all I want and I know what I did was wrong,and i'll spend an eternity making it up to you if thats what it takes."he stood there and watched him as he tried to deny everything he was saying "Cas please,I don't have alot of time left,I love you i just need you to know that."

He forced a sad smile letting out a defeated smile,it was no good,Cas would never forgive him. He accepted it,it was over and there was nothing he could do about it,Castiel had made his choice. With that the Winchester walked away.

"Dean-"

Dean spun round slowly noticing a difference in Castiels' expression now.

Castiel smiled with his eyes "I love you too,don't leave okay."he turned to the nurse then back to Dean "I'm afraid, and I need you here." he forced out finding it difficult to speak.

Dean wandered back to him taking his hand planting a gentle kiss upon it"i'm not going anywhere Cas,I promise."he put his coffee down on the table beside his bed.

The doctor arrived an hour later going through all of the notes listening in to what all the other doctors who were assessing him were telling him.

"Prep him,we go under in 20 minutes."he informed his team.

Another nurse came through "Mr Winchester I'm sorry I have to do this but i'm going to have to ask you to leave,it's time."

Dean and Cas exchanged similar looks,Dean forcing yet another smile trying to put on his best brave face "okay Cas,i'll be right outside waiting for you okay...be brave,you'll get through this." he stared into his beautiful blue eyes pulling him into a kiss "Don't leave me okay?"he whispered to him.

Castiels' eyes filled up with uncontrollable tears taking hold of his hand not wanting to let it go.

"Please Mr WInchester,let us do our job."

Dean slipped his hand away blowing him a kiss,leaving the room,eyes filled up with tears being instructed to go to the waiting room where he sat for the next 3 hours.

Anna came hurrying through to the waiting room hours later "where is he?"

Dean glanced up at her offering her a weak smile "he's in surgery,he's been in there for 3 hours and i'm terrified."

"3 hours...but he's not supposed to have it for another few days,why didn't anyone tell me sooner."

"Anna i'm sorry I meant to ring you,we just ran into some complications."

"Is he going to survive?"

"I don't know...the nurses told me that theres a 25% chance he's going to pull through and i'm holding onto that with all my strength."

Anna put her hands to her mouth in shock"oh my god,this is bad."she took a seat opposite him trying to remain calm.

Another hour passed and still nothing.

The next hour,Sam Winchester came in offering his big brother morale support"I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner dad was being an ass as usual"

Dean pulled his brother into a hug"it's okay Sammy,i'm just glad your here now."

The brothers hardly kept in contact anymore,they were all busy on opposite ends of the country fighting for their future,Sam was in high school living alone with their missed his brother and it saddened him that a situation like this reunited them.

"Erm Sam,this is Anna,Castiels' sister."

"Hey"she smiled weakly fidgetting in her seat "why don't we know anything yet?"she snapped.

Dean glanced down at the floor "just be patient."he jumped as he phone went,he checked the number "erm excuse me a moment."he got up from his seat taking the phonecall outside the room.

"What?"

_"well thats no way to talk to your proffessor,I was just...checking in."_

Dean let out a tired sigh leaning against the telephone box next to the room "Cas is in surgery,5 freeking hours and we still haven't heard anything...Bobby I-I don't think he's going to make it"he sobbed losing all hope.

_"Dean...don't give up on him now,he's going to need you more than ever when he pulls through this,you here me boy?"_

Dean smiled at his proffessors words of wisdom,and nodded "thank you,i'll inform you what happens when I know something." he hung up,taking a deep breath completely missing the doctor slipping through the door.

"DOC...how is he,is he alive,whats happened?"

Sam put a supportive hand on his shoulder smiling weakly slowly shaking his head.

"Doc?"

The doctor took him aside "we ran into some complications halfway through the surgery,his vital organs were collapsing,causing one of the blood vessels leading to the brain to erupt,we managed to contain it and we've managed to remove the aggresive part of the tumor. But-"

Deans's eyes were already streaming with wetness grabbing his brothers hand tightly.

Sam held his brothers hand as tight as he could trying his best to be supportive"Doc is he alive?"

The doctor nodded "yes...but he's in pretty bad shape,he'll probably be suffering from severe memory loss and even worse,he could be brain damaged,we won't know anything until he wakes up...if he wakes up."

"If?" Dean glared at the doctor angry"what do you mean if?"

"Dean calm down,they've done their best."

Dean pulled himself away from his brother now "Don't tell me to calm down...I want a straight answer doc."

The doctor sighed staring into Deans' eyes "your tired Mr Winchester,we took a risk removing the tumor and its paid off,we'll give you all the relevant information in the next few days,this is a good thing Mr Winchester,it means he's fighting very hard."

Dean glared back at him how the fuck had it paid off,he wasn't even awake? "I need some air"he pushed past them all heading outside.

Sam forced a smile at the doctor"thank you so much doctor." Sam immediately went out after his brother.

Anna gulped staring down at the floor "can I see him?"

The doctor smiled weakly at the girl"ofcourse,we're transferring him to ICU but once we're ready you're free to see him."he nodded leaving the room.

Dean stepped outside slamming his fists against the brick wall,angry..pissed off even "GOD DAMMIT"he yelled ast the top of his voice.

Sam widened his eyes going after to him "Dean...seriously you need to calm down."

"I can't...I can't calm down,this is all my fault."

Sam looked at him clueless"How is this your fault?"

"Because I betrayed him...I let him down and I fucked up the one chance of him ever forgiving me for my mistakes."

Sam rolled his eyes patting him on the shoulder"Dean whatever you did,it didnt cause this,stop blaming yourself and get back in there,Cas needs you,I mean it,don't make me push you"giving his brother his classic bitchface.

Dean smiled weakly rolling his eyes clenching his fists ready to pound on anyone who pissed him off,he returned finding out which room Castiel was being kept in heading that way.

Anna was already inside,he decided to wait not wanting to intrude,she was after all his sister,even if she didn't give a damn about him until now,he respected her privacy waiting outside.

Anna wiped her eyes as she left staring up at Dean"he's all yours."she rubbed her lips togther"you won't be hearing from me anymore,i've said what I needed to say to him,now i'm gone."

"so your just going to abandon him again?"

The red head turned giving him a shrug "theres still too many issues between us,even if he does pull through he won't want to see me."

"Thats where you're wrong Anna,thats all he ever wants,for his family to accept him."

Anna smiled not really buying it."Bye Dean,was nice knowing ya"she strolled off never to be seen again.

Dean frowned watching her leave.

Dean took a deep breath shaking trying to pluck up the courage to go inside "I'll be a minute okay Sam."

"Take as much time as you need Dean i'm here all day."he nodded.

Dean nodded back,entering the room,hearing the bleeping of the ventilator going off,the one thing keeping Castiel alive.

"hey Cas...I'm back,well I never left"he forced a laugh.

Castiel lay there still banages wrapped around the top of his head from the aftermath of the surgery,he looked barely recognisable now. He was attached to wires and machinery none of which made any sense to the Winchester.

"So...look Cas,you need to snap out of this,come back to me alright."

"Cas...Cas please."he pleaded taking hold of his hand.

The monitor bleeped once and again,and again.

Castiel was still unresponsive.

"Come back to me you son of a bitch don't you dare die on me."

Sam peeked through the door catching a glimpse of the couple together, a frown forming,ever since Dean had admitted to his family that he was gay, he found it hard to look at him the same way,Dean was always the tough,over protective big brother and now seeing this side of him,troubled him. He pushed the door open slowly"Dean? You mind?"

Dean glanced up as Sam entered smiling weakly "NO come on in Sam."

Sam frowned"he looks different,almost peaceful"he commented.

"He's not,he's in pain and I know that,even now..I just wish I knew what was going through his mind,he won't wake up."

"I'm sorry Dean."

Dean kept his eyes on him fixing his hair "yeah...pretty much back to square one again."

The doctor came through "I'm sorry but we're going to have to ask you to-"

"It's fine i'll leave,just give me a minute."his eyes fixed on his boyfriend "you better wake up you hear me."he whispered in his ear,kissing his cheek.

Sam rubbed his lips together awkwardly looking down at his feet.

The doctor cleared his throat "we'll inform you of any changes."he told them both.

The brothers left the clinc,Dean feeling completely drained "I need a drink-"

Sam rolled his eyes "Dean you need sleep I mean when was the last time you got a decent nights sleep,go back to your dorm get some kip,i'll keep an eye out here,let you know if anythings new."

"I'm fine Sam...I just-"

"Dean don't,your not fine,your umm boyfriends on deaths door ofcourse you're not fine,go seriously,get some rest please."

Dean sighed finally giving in"alright fine."

"good"

Dean smiled back at his brother "It's really good to see you Sam."

"Likewise Dean...umm I better find dad before he sends the search party,do you want to see him before you go?"

"Nah i'm good,but do please tell him that I send my love"he said sarcastically.

Sam simply nodded pulling Dean into a hug,Dean a little taken back by it. "Cas will be okay Dean,have faith."he let him go and smiled running off down the carpark to find their dads car.

Dean stared off into space hoping and praying for a miracle,just one more miracle,for Castiel to wake up and be healthy thats all he wanted.

But was it too much to ask?

**Again thanks to those that are leaving me comments,I appreciate it sooo much. 3**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

MATURE CONTENT AHEAD,INC SEX and ALCOHOL ABUSE.

Dean returned back to the university getting looks as he strolled up the stone steps towards the main hall,he knew immediately what they were talking about,he kept his head down not letting it bother him.

He glanced up slightly catching a glimpse of Micheal in the distance messing around with his buddys,he quickly turned himself away,not wanting to be seen by him,but it was too late,he was already coming over.

"My my you don't look so hot Deano rough night?"

"Get the hell away from me Micheal."

Micheal smirked patting him on the back walking with him"now come on don't be like that,i'm sorry my boys get a little carried away when they're in the party mood."

"Get out of my face...NOW"he snapped clearly not in the mood for small talk.

Micheal raised his hands in the air stepping in front of him "make me."he teased.

Dean was this close to losing his temper"Please,i've had a shit night alright,just get out of my way,please."he begged not in the mood for him and his games.

"I'm sure we can make it all better for you,you and me we're made for each other."

Dean stopped in his tracks for a moment pushing him aside"fuck off."he stormed past him ready to pound on him if he pushed him any further.

"Oh come on stop denying it,we're perfect for each other,we're just alike you and I,you know it's true."

Dean stopped once more,turning to face tiredness and frustration causing him to lash out "let me get one thing straight asshat,I hate you,I can't stand to be around you,and yeah sure I can't deny that even as painful as it was the sex was amazing,but you disguist me,now stay the hell away from me,i'll pay you the money back and thats that,you got it."

Micheal pouted putting his head to the side attracting the attention of students passing them by "aww shush,you're going to hurt my feelings."

"Please just stop."

Micheal ran his fingers through Deans' hair seductively "shhh,no more talking...I'm offering you my services,if I were you, I would be a little nicer to me,or I will become difficult,you're mine remember" he tugged at his hair now wrapping his free arm round his waist pulling him closer to him so their bodies were touching"I'm the one who's helping save that pathetic waste of space you call a boyfriend,do not test me."

Deans eyes widened a little geniuely scared of what he might do "Please...I just want to go...I appreciate what you did,loaning me the money but you'll get it back,every penny I swear."

"I don't want it back,I just want you...every..part of you."he whispered in his ear,letting out sensual moan into his earlobes biting at them.

Dean immediately shifted himself away "Stop...just STOP IT,you can't keep doing this,I won't be manipulated by you,and you know what do what you must,but you can't have me because my heart belongs to someone else,and he's stuck in a coma fighting for his life,so have a fucking heart and leave me the hell alone." he found himself becoming tearful,letting his vunerable side shine through once more.

"As you wish" he let him go,his eyes animalistic and dark. "don't think you've been let off the hook,you'll be hearing from me again."he backed away winking at him and skipped back off to join his gang.

Dean clenched his fist feeling his blood boiling with anger,eventually walking up the steps he headed inside rubbing his tired eyes being stopped once again by Bobby.

"Dean..what the hell are you doing back here?"

"I needed to get out of that place...I need sleep."

Bobby gave him a nod "How's he doing,more importantly how are you doing?"

Dean bit his bottom lip,really not in the sharing caring mood"he's alive but I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay,well you look like you could do with some sleep,go get some sleep and we'll talk later,you know i'm here for you."

_Where were you when I needed to hear that earlier? _He thought to himself.

"Thanks,umm i'm gonna go." he waved and left instantly heading up the stairs towards the dorm rooms.

He threw himself on his bed,curling himself up into a ball,closing his eyes letting the tears flow freely.

_"Dean...Dean,what are you doing?"_

_Dean spun round a small smile on his face "I'm sleeping."_

_Castiel slipped an arm around his stomach stroking his torso gently "hmm,did I tire you out that much,thats a first,usually I can't seem to stop you."he smirked, his hands exploring his chiseled chest,turning him onto his back._

_Dean grinned holding his hands up to touch him,as Castiel wrapped his legs around round his body,molding himself in so perfectly."Gosh you will be the death of me one day."_

_Castiel bucked his hips so their semi naked bodies were touching,eyes meeting each other,both with inviting looks in their eyes,distracting Dean from Castiels' sudden and abrupt actions._

_He traced a hand lower gripping Deans thighs,and judging by the look on Deans face he was about to explode._

_"I want you inside me,please,again"he begged,desperately craving it. He let out a soft moan as Castiels hands escape down his boxers,caressing his now erect cock,sliding his hand up and down gingerly._

_Castiel arched his back a tiny smile on his face as he turned Dean over spreading his legs wide so he was on his hands and knees,he didn't even bother to prepare his entrance knowing what Dean liked slipping right inside him like he wanted._

_Dean cried out,"fuck."_

_Castiel thrusted hard and rough into him,digging his nails into Deans hips,the agression and passion into each movement causing Dean to fill the room with screams of pleasure._

_"OH..GOD YES...Cas...holy fuck" he closed his eyes,getting completely lost in the moment,enjoying every second of this._

_Cas lost control,letting his animalistic nature take over,he grabs a handful of Deans' hair pulling his head back as he continues to thrash into him._

_"I love..you,don't ever leave me,promise me you'll never l-"_

Dean snapped out of it his eyes wide as his eyes traced down to his hand down his pants .

His breath hitched not realising that he was crying again "I love you Cas",his quivering lips trembling like mad remembering the one true memory where they were happy and in love,something he was probably never going to get again.

He removed his hand cleaning it up making one final decision,just one. It was a tough one but he knew he had to make a choice.

He pulled himself undressing himself and put on some fresh clothes. Heading right back out the door making sure his wallet was in his pocket.

He pushed past Chuck who was about to speak to Dean,ignoring him.

Chuck frowned as Dean rushed past,surprised to even see him here.

"Umm okay."

Dean headed towards the other end of campus to where most of the seniors hung out. The one person he needed wasn't there,he was probably in a lecture,he sighed.

"Gabriel...wheres Micheal?"

Gabriel laughed along with his classmates sitting forward,cigarette in hand "Aren't you on the wrong side of the tracks Deano?" he asked taking a long drag of his cigarette.

"Where the hell is he?"

Gabriel smirked pulling himself up ditching his pals for a moment "Dean...I warned you not to come back here,you don't want to get caught up in his web,and honestly bucko,you don't look like your in any fit state to make any rash decisions."

"I don't give a rats ass what you think,he can give me what I need now where is he?"

Gabriel rolled his eyes "he's not here,he's off doing some business,but hey maybe I can offer you some assistance,exactly what is it that you need?"

He stared off into space for a moment glancing down at his feet "I just want to escape."

Gabriel let out a small sigh"you shouldn't be here,if Mike knows you came here,he'll come looking for you."

"I don't care,it's too late,he's gone and he's never coming back."

Dean had completely given up all hope that his one true love would ever wake up or atleast wake up like he was before,the pit of despair and deceit becoming bigger,darker and definately more inviting.

"Lets go for a drink,I think you need it."

Gabe and Dean had been drinking for a good few hours Dean having way more than Gabriel judging by the way he was acting.

"Alrighty come on just one more step."

Dean stumbled falling into Gabriels arms slurring his words "S-Sorry..but...you're wr-rong."

Gabriel put his arm round him helping him to stand up right "I'm not wrong,now come on i'm getting you back,you need to sober up."

"Fuck that...cooooome on,we had fun didn't we,just like old times."he raised a finger unsteadily "hmmm Perfect...Cas...my Cas." he let out a little giggle holding his arms out to him now.

Gabriel took hold of his hand "Dean,no, i'm not who you think I am."

"No...you hurt me,you watched as they hurt me,you didn't even stop them". He nuzzled his head into his neck"and it was all for nothing.

The broken tone in his voice made Gabriel want to cry "I'm sorry Dean,I truely am,but please don't give up."

"I don't want to live in a world where he doesn't exist...he's my...he's my world and you are stupid."

Gabriel raised an eyebrow"I'm stupid?"

Dean nodded"yes..you're stupid and short"he burst out laughing at that,his expression quickly changing,from amusement to pain in only a matter of seconds. "I'm stupid too."

Gabriel shook his head"Will you stop feeling sorry for yourself,jeez you're like a bad episode of days of our lives,and you are not stupid...I knew this was a bad idea bringing you here."

Gabriel rolled his eyes as Dean slurred catching Dean as he collapsed "I swear if you throw up all over me i'm ditching you."he found his car shoving Dean in the backseat.

Dean moaned wrapping his arms around himself tightly "he promised he wouldn't leave me..he promi-"he drifted off before he could finish his sentence.

He pulled up at the nearest drive in ordering the strongest coffee possibly "Ugh Micheals going to kill me"he muttered to himself looking in the backseat as Dean lay uncomfortably asleep.

Grabbing the coffees he paid then pulled into a parking space,motion Dean to wake up "YO...wake up."

Dean groaned "No...sleep,I want to sleep and never wake up."

Gabriel rolled his eyes "you don't mean that,now drink up we gotta get you back to that hospital so you can be there when loverboy wakes up."

Dean groaned his vision blurred as he reached for the cup,he shakily put his mouth to the tip of it taking a small sip.

His head began to spiral,feeling like there was a hurricane erupting inside his mind,the inevitably hangover taking its hold on the Winchester already.

"Why are you even helping me huh? You don't even like me that much and won't this ruin your precious reputation?"

Gabriel turned resting his elbow on the leather seat giving him a shrug" Can I be honest with you...I'm just like you,I dont care too much about being cool or fitting in,I got caught in his web when I got desperate,made some bad choices and now I can't get out of it."he shrugged "no biggie."he smiled weakly "I envy you Dean,you actually have someone who would bend over backwards to love and care for you unconditionally,I wish I had someone like that" he paused taking another sip of his coffee "when I heard what happened to him,it broke my heart."

Dean didn't know what to say,he stared confused about what he was trying to tell him,everything coming across muddled "but you could of left them,why didn't you?"

"Because it's not that easy,I made a pact."he shrugged his shoulders.

Dean simply nodded,thats what he hated about sororitys,its why he was glad he never joined one. "Sorry."

"Thanks"

Hours had past,the rest of night consisted of the pair sitting in silence finally feeling himself sobering up,ready to face Cas again.

"Gabe..Gabe you awake?"

"Yeah i'm awake,whats up?" he asked resting his head up against the headrest.

"I'm ready,you can take me back now,if you don't mind."

Gabriel glanced down and nodded starting the engine,seeing the sunrising in the horizon. "Sure thing."

**Well there you have it the penultimate chapter,just one more to go. Again thanks to those who have been leaving me comments,it makes it all worthwhile. :D**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Gabriel pulled outside the clinc and sighed "do you mind if I don't go in,hopsitals kind of give me the heebies"he shuddered just thinking about it.

"No it's fine,thanks Gabe for everything, and for showing me the light."he grinned.

Gabriel smirked "happy to be of service,I hope things work out for you,and that you both get the ending you deserve."

Dean opened the car door pulling himself out "thanks,I appreciate that."

"Good luck"he flashed him a friendly smile reversing out and drove off leaving Dean alone.

Dean stepped inside keeping his head down the hangover still lingering in the back of his mind,he approached the young blonde reception,offering her a weak smile.

"Well hello again,have you calmed down now?"she wondered tapping her pen on the desk.

Dean licked his lips "honestly no,but I promise I won't cause a fuss,umm,I take it theres no change?"

"I'm not sure,i'll try buzzing the doctor if he's free,just sit tight for a moment."

Dean did as instructed,not having to wait to long,half an hour at the most.

"Mr Winchester,welcome back,why don't you come on through,i'll brief you on his situation."

Dean strolled down the small corridor with him,listening in absorbing it all in. "So you think he's going to pull through?"

"His vitals improved overnight,which meant we could take him off life support,its a miracle if you ask me,whatever he's holding onto its definately paying off,but like I warned you,he may not be the same as he was before."

"I understand that,i'm just glad things are looking up."

The nurse came rushing down the corridor "Sir...-"

"What is it Mary?"he questioned raising an eyebrow keeping a calm stance.

The nurse turned to Dean,happy that he was here for this "Sir the novak child..he's woke up."

Deans eyes widened rushing down the corridor in flash,skidding as he reached Castiels' room,he hurried inside stopping in his tracks as he stood at the edge of his bed.

Castiels's eyes flickered opened his eyes fixed on the boy standing opposite him slowly moving his head to follow his movement,breathing in heavily and quick through the oxygen mask around his mouth.

Dean gulped standing there silently not making a sound.

He looked him up and down,panting heavily removing the mask slowly squinting his eyes,a confused expression on his face as he tried to but a name to his face, a single tear rolling down his face, beginning to speak.

"D-D-"he stuttered choking back his tears, his eyes a little wide as the nurse followed by the doctor came in.

He tried once more,determined to get it out "Dean-"

Dean stood there every part of him shaking, he breathed in deep as he spoke his name "I'm here Cas...i'm right here." Dean stepped back letting the doctor examine him,feeling like a huge weight had been lifted.

"It's incredible,its almost like-"he frowned astonished looking back to Dean_,like Deans' presence had awoken him from his sleep?_

Dean gulped a little concerned at the professionals staring at him "so its okay,he's going to be okay?"

"It appears so...we'll leave you two to get reacquainted."

Dean rubbed his lips together nervously approaching him again,silence beckoning him once more,happy,terrified and confused all at once,it certainly wasn't doing his hangover any favours.

Castiel stared into space removing the mask again trying to speak but no words would escape his lips.

"Shh it's okay Cas,don't try and talk,just get your strength back."he beamed completely over the moon that things seemed to be looking up,he smiled taking a seat beside his bed side,grasping his hand gently.

Castiel let out a little moan turning his head to the side slowly getting lost inside Deans' piercing eyes trying to curve his lips into a smile,his face numb.

"I...I thou..I..lost..yew"he closed his eyes tightly,his speech impairment getting him worked up.

"Hey...shh,relax its okay i'm not going anywhere...I promise its okay",he lifted his arm up giving each finger little kisses.

Cas put the mask over his mouth again breathing into it his lungs expanding in rapid movements as he breathed in and out,his eyes becoming hazy.

"You're going to be okay Cas...i'll be here waiting for you when your better."

"Promis-?"he slurred.

Dean nodded simply planting another kiss on his hand "I promise."

**3 weeks later**

Dean stared at the mirror,adjusting his tie,his eyes dead and pale undertones of his features indicating that he hadn't slept for days.

"We're ready for you son,when you're ready." came the familar sound of his professor Bobby Singer poking his head through the door.

Dean cleared his throat brushing off his suit grabbing hold of his notes by the side of the table a photo of Castiel catching his eye,he looked down at his feet"be right out."

He took another look in the mirror,following Bobby out being surrounded by a crowd full of people,it was almost unbelievable just how many people cared.

He approached the podium clearing his throat before speaking into the mike. "Erm..Thank you all for coming"he mumbled nervously.

"Man I don't even know where to begin,Cas was...I mean how do I even begin to describe him."he pursed his lips together "He was my best friend,my soulmate someone who I could count on no matter how I was feeling,he had a pure soul, and I loved him for it." he breathed in,taking a moment to compose himself"He shouldn't of gone yet,it wasn't his time,but I want him to know that-"he continued.

The Casket suddenly being carried away to it's resting place,suddenly Dean and everyone present fell into fits of silent sobs.

"Cas,you are my hero,you inspire me every day and you will forever live on inside me"he tilted his head down "I will never forget you...I'll find you"he gulped whispering the last part to himself."thank you."he ended his speech leaving it short and sweet.

After Castiel came out of his coma he had 5 days left with his boyfriend,and those precious moments were the most intimate that the couple had felt for a long time,it just wasn't enough to save him,the 5th day Castiel slipped away in his sleep this time never to wake up.

He died at peace and thats more than Dean could ever ask for.

Once the service was over,Dean slipped away quietly wanting to avoid all the sympathys,theres only enough times you can hear 'Sorry for your loss' without cracking.

In the end,he decided to mourn alone,in his own way,the way Castiel would've wanted him to.

Having already planned this ahead,he headed up the stairs to Bobbys(where the after service party was being held) bathroom locking the door behind.

There was suddenly a tap on the door "Dean..Dean are you in there?"

Dammit Bobby why do you have to ruin it now,just when i'm so close,he muttered to himself in thought.

"Erm...give me a minute"he replied panicked pulling out a small black medi pack from the inside pockets of his suit.

The door handle turned. "Dean unlock the door" Bobby Singer surely wasn't an idiot he had figured out his game. Dean had suffered,the weight of watching the only living human to love him slip away in front of him would definately cause anyone to lose all hope and Bobby knew that day by day it was sending him over the edge.

"I can't...Bobby I physically can't...i'm sorry."

Bobby rested his head against the door "Come on Dean...don't be stupid, he wouldn't want this,he would've wanted you to carry on."

Dean smiled weakly glancing down at the pack turning his attention to the bathtub,turning on the tap on."but thats just it,I know what he wants...he wants me,I can hear him calling me,everything i've done has lead me here and it's time for me to find him again."

Bobby frowned not understanding a word he was saying "Boy you're not making a lick of sense,open the door,lets talk about this, I mean you just buried him,just give yourself time to grieve please."

"Tell my family I love them okay,especially Sammy."he took the needle out filling the syringe up with the toxin,removing his shirt stepping into the bathtub.

"DEAN...DEAN OPEN the door"he banged on the wooden barrier,using all his might to kick it down.

Water was overflowing now causing the bathroom to flood,Deans pale lifeless body floating on top,one hand draped so eloquantly over the bathtub the syringe on the floor beside it.

"GOD DAMMIT"the older man cursed pulling him out immediately. He slapped his cheeks trying to wake him,cradling him on his lap "Wake up...Dean...wake up." He gave him one final slap on the cheek.

Dean gasped for breath being bathed in a beautiful pearly white light,hearing waves crashing against some cliffs, he frowned laying flat on his stomach being washed up ashore,the bitter taste of saltwater forcing Dean to turn onto his back,he was disorientated and confused,unsure of what just happened,was this all a dream,the effect of the drug causing him to hallucinate? Nothing making sense to him at first.

A shadow appeared beside him,he squinted his eyes as the beaming sun blinded him,he reached out a hand for whoever it was to help him up.

"Cas?"he mused.

Castiel was glowing,he looked more beautiful almost heavenly in appearence "You found me my love,I knew you would."

Dean didn't speak,wrapping his arms around his lovers waist,he pulled him into a deep passionate kiss,their tongues colliding together.

Their hands connected together,they had found each other finally,the siren song ringing in their ears.

_Hear me sing: "Swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you."_

_"Here I am. Here I am, waiting to hold you."_

Bobby held Deans' lifeless body in his arms "Come on Dean...don't do this,come back to us."he called to him,unaware now,but his soul had been set free.

Gabriel was right they did get the ending they deserved,their happy ending. They were together in their heaven,and they were in love,at peace and honestly whats so wrong about that?

THE END.

**Umm so yeah i've killed Castiel twice now in my fics,and saying that Cas is probably my favourite character in spn,I find myself willing to torture him lol. Anyways there you have,the end,hope I didn't break your hearts too much. I want to thank you all for favouriting,for reviewing and leaving me feedback,without it I wouldn't of finished this. Here's hoping my next storys a little more light hearted :P**

**The story itself if anyones interested is based around the 1983 song, Song of the siren by this mortal coil.**


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